thecosmicmuffinapostle

Married and All

(But hopefully…)

 

 

Because of the change in surname, I received friend requests from zillions of Tamondongs.  There will come a time that I would have to edit my shoutout, so I will say this one explicitly: If you do not belong to my hubby’s clan, DO NOT BOTHER TO ENLIST.  (One day I will disinfect my friends list.  Those who will remain are legitimate friends, former and present officemates, schoolmates and teachers, relatives by affinity and consanguinity, and crushees.)

 

I also received a lot of messages asking for a proof in my change of status.  Here it is.

 

 

Yes, we signed the Marriage Certificate last 30 May 2009.  It was one hell of a rainy day celebration which brought many surprises.

 

I will not go into the details on how much my life has changed.  All the clichés you hear about being married—the post-wedding depression and the pre-wedding jitters—are true.  Trust me.  Those emotions spare no one, even those who are deeply in love with their chosen lifetime partners.

 

I’d rather share with you a list of pre-nuptial arrangements I would have had Mister Penguin take into utmost consideration.  If given the time, I would have this list notarized and would have coerced Mister Penguin to sign the pre-nupt.

 

• I’d like to have some free time alone.  Two days in a month would be perfect.  This free time would be utilized in watching movies, going to coffee shops, and re-bonding with my friends.
• I’d like to be able to have my say in what I would be wearing.  Not because I am a fashionista.  Not because I would still want to catch male attention.  But simply because I’ve been given the liberty to choose what to wear while I was still single and I would like to keep things at that.
• I’d like to be able to keep my secrets.  When I say it’s a secret, don’t slap the excuse ‘we are one now’ because that is so convenient and unacceptable.

 

Hmmmn…  Come to think of it.  I would be having a very long list if I enumerate all the things I want.  Let’s summarize.

 

I’d like to be given a choice on how to handle my life without my hubby going against it.  Trust goes with what is to be given me and in return, I will take all responsibility and accountability in keeping the marriage from being jeopardized.

 

Let it be disclosed that this freedom my hubby would be giving me will, in no way, be deemed enough justification for anyone to have the impression that I am cuckolding him.

 

Let it also be disclosed that despite the freedom I am asking from my hubby, I will, in every way and every manner possible, every minute, every hour of my existence, be faithful to him and would share, in every way and every manner possible, every minute, every hour of my existence, all pains and joys, all triumphs and sufferings, with my hubby until death do us part.

 

Finally, let it be disclosed that I am asking for something that I am also willing to give back tenfold.

 

End of text.  Jeez, married life is fun!  (If and only if…)

09 October 2009

Ondoy and the IM Kwang Kwang Kwang Kwang

Created 28 September 2009*2305EST

Let’s follow (and not follow) the bandwagon.

 

Lo and behold, an excerpt of the IM exchange between me and my manager early this morning.

 

Manager                       :           Are you okay?

Anna Gumamela           :           Huh?

M                                 :           How are you?

AG                               :           Same same…  Neurotic on the verge of breaking down.

M                                 :           Weren’t you affected by the flood?

 

*Kwang kwang kwang kwang…*

 

Fine.  He was working on shore and I did not realize that he was doing a headcount.  Fine.  The IM exchange seemed like a scene in the local movie where Aga Muhlach played the part of the boss and Rufa Mae Quinto played the part of his stupid secretary, except that my booboo happened in MS Office Communicator.

 

Fine.  Everybody’s ranting about Ondoy while I remained self-absorbed in my world.

 

Not that I have every license to be detached.  My parents’ house was devastated by the typhoon.  Nothing was spared there, save for the items on the second floor and the roof deck, and the house itself, though I was yet to see it until after office hours today.

 

So I went and I saw everything.  Indeed they had to fix a lot of things.  At least they can be fixed.  At least the house, though muddied and filthy, was still standing.  At least all of them are alive and good-humored, including my hamster and my doggie.

 

I don’t know if this attitude warrants raised eyebrows from witnesses and I don’t give a rat’s ass if it does.  All I know are these mustard seeds (applicable to me and only me, not to everybody) which I carry whenever something dampens my spirits:

 

• If there are no fair means to get the resources, it’s a problem.
• If the damage is irreparable but it has to be fixed, it’s a problem.
• If it’s salvaging or losing something that is irreplaceable, it’s a problem.
• If time is of the essence and I don’t have enough, it’s a problem.
• If it doesn’t fall under any of the above, it’s not a problem.
• If I failed despite using my supernatural powers full blast, it’s no longer my problem.
• If it’s not a problem or if it’s no longer my problem, then I have every reason to move on to my next task or goal.

(Insert sound clip of The Beatles’ Obla Di Obla Da for a more uplifting effect.)

 

Call it whatever you want—indifference, apathy, autism, The Ultimate Pinoy Happy-Go-Lucky attitude—but I prefer to call it looking at the bright side of life.

 

Besides, for someone who has lost dozens of huggable pets, several close friends, two doting grandparents, and two loving siblings in the short span of one’s existence (I pray the list stops there), a typhoon such as Ondoy, and the havoc it wreaked, should not be strong enough to shake me.

Ecstatic? Why, yes!

The longest hiatus.  It has been over a year since I posted something.  With the number of this personal networking site’s subscribers seriously dwindling by the minute, this blog channel remains a perfect haven for people who write mainly for themselves and their microcosm (i.e. yours truly).

 

Barely two weeks ago, I went back to my blog archives and it amazed me to realize that my outlook in life has changed—drastically.  Yet still, there are many things in me that remain unchanged.  The paradox of the self: as it is carried by the torrent of life, one’s rationale expands and contracts while one’s essence is retained.  Needless to say, I hibernated on purpose to prove the preceding hypothesis.

 

I will not enumerate the details concerning the inelastic and elastic facets of myself.  (Define elasticity, Introductory Economics.  Elasticity is the responsiveness of one variable to another.)  I would rather limit this entry to the part that had an almost 360۫revolution.

 

Same time last year, I was still working for PAGCOR.  September was a busy month as I had to finish all tasks on hand and bequeath every bit of knowledge to my successor since I would be moving to another company on the 29^th of September 2008.

 

Looking back, the four-year stint in PAGCOR had its pros and cons, but more of the latter, on a personal level.  In PAGCOR, one could get away with a bad working attitude.  I, for instance, would be procrastinating for several days and would work only to beat deadlines.  I am not saying that everyone was lax—PAGCOR Ace Employees really deserved the recognition.  I am merely saying that one could enjoy a few days’ employee benefits by simply hanging out in the office.  Was the PAGCOR system a bad one?  I could not blame it because finger-pointing has never been my cup of tea so I put the blame on me and worked out on my personal qualms to work efficiently.

 

I remember the countless days when I conditioned myself to believing that one day I would become a PAGCOR executive and would be able to call the shots.  I looked at things behind rose-colored glasses to get myself motivated.  Then I would work my ass out and would be consistent for several months only to fall in a slump and restart from square one.  It was an eternal cycle of relearning that the outlined career path in government service was not made for me but I did not seriously consider breaking that cycle.  I did not want to give up on myself.  I believed I could defy the laws of human nature and learn how to love what I could not swallow.

 

In July 2008, a life-changing event ignited a blitzkrieg of realizations.  I had to rearrange my life.  It was high time I quit all futile undertakings before I become the cause of my own catastrophe, before they become a habit.  I had to rearrange my life, starting with my career.  I have always been eccentric and picky on the environment I would be working at and could only be efficient in a fast-paced, flux-powered, teamwork-grounded atmosphere and PAGCOR could not give me that.  PAGCOR and I are incompatible.  I realized that if I found work there distasteful since day one, I would never find it palatable ten years hence.  It took me four years to finally accept that.

 

Skip the job hunt, the application process, an offer from a private American firm which I eventually accepted.  Fast forward to September 29, 2008.  It was a New Joiner’s Orientation, my first day in a new company—in Accenture.  I left PAGCOR with a humongous fear and the NJO only magnified it.  I had a lot of catching up to do to survive in a global company where the name of the game is aptitude, continuous improvement and discipline—things I had to reacquaint myself with—and despite having the willingness to work hard in realigning my capabilities and attitude, I still had to do it fast to be on the same track as my new set of colleagues.  I was so stiff-scared that I almost peed on my pants (no kidding) on the day I got deployed to my project, but hell, as early as day one in the deal, I felt good to be in the right place.

 

Time space warp to September 2009.  I remember the cig session with my mom a few weeks ago where I got to tell her that I never had any regrets in leaving PAGCOR.  I also told her there are things money cannot buy and the biggest of those things is self-fulfillment.  My mom never said it but I felt that she was so damn happy for me.

 

And who wouldn’t be?  Now I belong to the population of elite professionals who persistently develops skills, invests on strengths and gets the means to harness it.  I am now a Tiger and I keep up with my commitment of delivering high performance.  Consistent high performance delivered.  I can tell the world with freaking conviction that I made the right move.

 

And I hope everyone in my little world gets to experience the ecstasy triggered by making the right decisions, at least in our careers.  That is my purpose in sharing this.  I want everyone to know that incredible as it may seem, there is such a thing as a perfect job and it exists for each and every one of us.  (This particularly goes out to Obi-Wan who negates the possibility of having such a thing existent.)  The perfect job sets you free: you find peace and comfort in doing your job because you are able to do the things closest to your heart.  It gives you maximum satisfaction at the lowest exertion of effort and as a bonus, it helps you bring home some bacon.

 

Last week, I was having a cigarette break and I chanced upon my project manager who was also having one.  He said his current focus was in putting a stop to the rising attrition rate in our project.  He asked for my views on the issue but I never gave him my real answer.  If he were the other project manager whom I am sincerely fond of conversing with (and to whom I owe this life-changing opportunity), I would have given him my geeky solution.

 

I always use a tool in gauging where I stand in my life, an ancient yet versatile tool to know whether the things I am currently doing are still addressing my needs as an individual.  Guess what the tool is?  Bingo.  Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.  For a full treatment of what Abraham Maslow’s theorem is about, consult Encyclopaedia Britannica.  For a brief treatment, I suppose wikipedia will do.

 

Now, how is the magic pyramid going to solve the attrition rate problem in our project?  If the managers know where the staff stands in fulfilling their individual needs, it would be easier to come up with devices and plans of action in making the office a venue where those needs can be addressed.  Maslow worked wonders for me.  It could also work wonders for our project, and most importantly, for you.

 

If you find yourself wanting that perfect job, hang out with Abe Maslow for a little while.  Take time to ask yourself what you really want, what you have, and what you expect out of life and out of yourself.  List them one by one.  Know yourself better and believe that you will get that perfect job.  Forget about the details of the how, focus on the what.  The Universe always takes care of the how.  We fail to acknowledge this fact for lack of perception.  The Universe is friendly and it always conspires to bring us where we want to be.  (But of course, the first step is always the hardest and that is believing.)

 

I can write discourses on the philosophy of a perfect job and attracting positive vibes but what good will that do?  In the end, everything is still up to you.

 

End this blog presenting you a spark from my ever-reliable lighter galore, I shall.

 

“Who would want to be anywhere else?  Here in the PBA, I get to do what I want and I get paid for it.”  —Rodericko Cesar ‘Olsen’ Racela,Professional Basketball Player

 

Cease cows.  There is more to come.

Created 08 September 2009

Two Entries (not necessarily under the same theme, though)

The March of the Penguins

– Created 08 July 2008

 

We were as one, babe for a moment in time and it seemed everlasting that you would always be mine.  Now, you want to be free so I’m letting you fly ‘cause I know in my heart, babe our love will never die.  I ain’t gonna cry no, and I won’t beg you to stay.  If you’re determined to leave girl, I will not stand in your way.  But inevitably, you’ll be back again ‘cause you know in your heart babe, our love will never end.  I know you’ll be back, girl, when your days and your nights get a little bit colder.  I know you’ll be back, oh, baby, believe me it’s only a matter of time.  You’ll always be a part of me.  I’m part of you indefinitely.  Girl, don’t you know you can’t escape me.  Oh, darling ‘cause you’ll always be my baby.  And we’ll linger on.  Time can’t erase a feeling this strong.  No way, you’re never gonna shake me.  Oh, darling ‘cause you’ll always be my baby.

–  Always Be My Baby, David Cook

 

 

And so it is time for the Penguins to be apart from each other.  In the course of four years and five months, for Mister Penguin it was two years and something, it came to a point when both had to stop, rest for a while, and be apart.

 

One has to grow, to find oneself and know what one wants.  One is submerged in a conundrum, unable to communicate to the other the exact thing that is running around in one’s head.  Both are hurting.  Both had some points which are worth ample amount of consideration.  No finger-pointing here.  It is no one’s fault and no one is to blame, though one has the tendency to take all the blame.

 

If you ask me, the way I see things, I would like to believe it is because of the fact that we started off too seriously and we both ended up questioning ourselves on certain issues when it is already time to settle down.  One denies the gravity of these issues—though I think one cannot admit that one does not have the balls to face the issues head on at the very least and at the most, slam the magic word in the face of the other.

 

When you say you love someone, would you wait for the time until you are 100% ready for a bigger commitment such as marriage?  Or would you play the role of a leaf being carried by torrents and currents, enjoy the rolling of the river until you reach the sea?  Or would you be simply human, hold the other person’s hand as tell him or her, “Hey, I am not ready but I am willing to give it my best shot.  Care to take the big leap with me?”

 

People who are to take the government examinations or the bar are given a certain period of time for review, and yet when the dawn of the examinations arrive, the examinee knows that he or she is not really 100% prepared.  The bar exam, or whatever examination it is one is to take, is a very simple thing as compared to marriage.  If people cannot be prepared for pass or fail examinations, how can one really be prepared for marriage?

 

The answer is to be found in the words of the chaplain, from the movie Keeping The Faith, and to paraphrase him, you are ready to keep a real commitment if you can accept that it’s a choice that you have to make again and again and again.

 

What’s in store for the Penguins next season?  I cannot speak on behalf of Mister Penguin, but speaking for myself, I know this for certain: I do not fear anything.  We may or we may never be able to go back to each other’s arms after this bout, but one thing is for sure, and I say this with conviction: I believe the Penguins know how to fight for what they believe in.

 

 

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Typing Blindly 1234567890

– Created 06 September 2008

 

It’s hard for me to stop my heart.  Love never knows when the time is right.  I don’t want to hurt anybody but can’t help loving you.  I’ve never felt like this before.  I know this is special, worth waiting for, let life take its course that’s the only thing for us to do.  Time and tide, nothing and no one can stop us now.  For better for worse, this time I’m sure it’s gonna last.  How can I stop my heart?  Love never knows when the time is right.  I don’t want to hurt anybody, don’t want to make her cry.  We’ve got time, oh baby.  There’s no rush, gonna be a better day for us.  Hang on and I will wait for you.  Our love will always stay as good as new.  It’s a matter of time, it’s a matter of time, and it’s a matter of time and tide.  Nothing and no one can stop us now.  For better for worse, this time I’m sure it’s gonna last.  Gonna last forever.

–  Time and Tide, Basia

 

 

I am in 12323927998761212.  I cannot even 123979744428114123l1234448910 128799123444 28 97978910123123412341212 124891089101234.  Yet, I know, 123444 1210927942678910 12139279289876444 289876 4442842678910, 44499281210, 44492799279, 12109912312341234 121312312101210.  If I would have to put my life at stake just to 238910444 44499289876231210 1212311010 444998910 12871231212 4449989101212 121099927941231234467 128910, I swear to God, I will.

 

I shall 991238768910 444998910 2341234441210 4449279 444891012341234 99284267.  May the Universe conspire to bring me wherever I am destined to be.

 

On second thought, maybe I should just 444891012341234 121292794123 9992791287 28 124891089101234 1231292794123444 99284267.  But do I have 444998910 9989101239797444 4449279 9941239797444 121292794123 when 121292794123 991238768910 467927998768910 987692794449928987623 128797979279987623 except 4449279 123492798768910 42678910 412398761192799876467284442892799876123123412341212, 44492799279 426741231199 that 28 123492791210444 444998910 12497978910891046792794267 4449279 11999279927912108910 4449279 9941239797444 121292794123?  I 12872812341234 92791213444 12492799797 444998910 9279979728232898761231234 927912134442892799876.  I 12109912312341234 111234927912108910 444998910 467927992799797 28 92791213891098768910467, 9876891087689109797 123492799279010 1212311010 1239876467 12104441231212 12872844499 121292794123 12492799797891087689109797.  So help me God.

 

This is called 12323927998761212 and creativity at its finest.  Whoa!!!  I am a god.

 

 

 

A Melting Pot of Whatevers

Dear Anna Gumamela,

I have a boyfriend and I love doing the deed with him.  I also love girlie stuff like sexy stilettos and top-of-the-line make-up.  Lately, I am beginning to get confused because I seem to be so fond of this female officemate of mine.  One time, I could not resist, I hugged her from behind.  I like her smell and simplicity.  I want to ask her out for drinks but I am too confused.  Am I a closet lesbian?

è    Doubting Bombshell

Dear Doubting Bombshell,

Can you enjoy licking her, or any other female’s, pussy?  Can you allow her or any other female to lick your genitals and enjoy it?  If you answered yes to any of the preceding questions, you are AC/DC.  Keep me posted.

è    Anna Gumamela

Dear Anna Gumamela,

There’s this guy who bugs me every time he gets drunk, saying sweet things, close to a proposal for a relationship.  When he’s already sober, he ignores me completely.  I like him but it gets me so tired every time he does that.  It’s happened five times in a span of two weeks ever since he got my mobile number!  What do you call him and what do I do with him?

è    Feeling Lambasted Control Freak

Dear Feeling Lambasted Control Freak,

What’s it with you that compels this guy to drink before hitting on you?  Anyhootie…  I asked my friends what they would call him and the answers varied from ‘hayop’ to ‘manggagamit.’  My answer is this: he has no balls, could possibly be one of the ‘torpe’ types; at worst, he could be an alcohol-dependent lunatic who falls into drinking spells and victimizes women every time he gets into one (he could have had other victims prior to you and could possibly be preying on other women minutes after he bugged you).  My advice is that you ignore him completely and cease cultivating your affections until he gets the backbone to face you without the help of Jack Daniel.

è    Anna Gumamela

Dear Anna Gumamela,

I am confused whether I will just let go of this girl or try to win her back.  I said some things I should not have.  I want her.  I want another chance, but my male ego is getting the better of me.  What should I do?

è    Asshole

Dear Asshole,

Forget about your male ego for the mean time.  Go after her!  Apologize first and make sure you’re going to keep your blabbermouth at stealth mode.  If this fails, try, try again.  Then forget her.  Our ego and pride should work like masks.  It is all right to take them off once in a while, but we should never ever throw them away to glorify stupidity.

è    Anna Gumamela

Dear Anna Gumamela,

What is the best thing to do when you are raging mad?

è    Mad Max

Dear Mad Max,

You can either morph into Incredible Hulk or keep your emotions at bay.  I suggest you do the latter.  Keep thinking about the thing that made you mad until you get tired of thinking about it.  Then you will feel that getting mad is a futile exercise.  You will realize that confronting the person or facing the situation would only give you more matters to think about.  If you value your time and your sanity, you’ll dismiss the thought of entertaining rage or holding grudges in the future.  It is so much better to live lightly, smiling happily rather than wasting your time brooding, sulking and monitoring your blood pressure.

è    Anna Gumamela

Dear Anna Gumamela,

How do I get rid of her completely?  (Anna Gumamela’s Note: Full-length letter edited to protect sender’s privacy.)

è    Haunted Lesbo

Dear Haunted Lesbo,

Make yourself invisible or kill her.  Who you are dealing with has supernatural powers, as sensed by my ESP.  It is time you maximize the benefits of your own innate abilities by evaporating every time you catch a glimpse of her.  If this does not work, file a TRO at the nearest court, restraining her from getting near you within a radius of 100m; unless you consider being convicted for murder a much more convenient alternative.

è    Anna Gumamela

Dear Anna Gumamela,

How do I get in touch with you, in case I’ll need some advice?

è    In Case of Emergency

Dear In Case of Emergency,

You may email me at thecosmicmuffinapostle@yahoo.com or send your queries via Friendster messaging.  Do not post your queries on this blog site, lest you want to disclose your true identity.  Do not use the ‘Add a Comment’ link.  Use the ‘Send a Message’ thingy.  As for my mobile phone number, I do not give mobile numbers via satellite or World Wide Web.  Chill!

è    Anna Gumamela

Gumamela (Slightly) Unraveled

“Talking about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.”

–Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil

Full Name: Anna Gumamela Jose Jacinto-Jackman (Whapack!)

Nickname: Aj but I prefer to be called Anna Gumamela

Best thing about my family: No one cares what you do, but when you’re damned, everybody comes to the rescue.

Worst thing about my family: Nobody seems to be running out of opinions.

Best thing about Marilao, Bulacan: Home.

Worst thing about Marilao, Bulacan: Rainy season clogs drainages, making transportation difficult.

Best thing about DLSU-Manila: You can leave your valuables unattended anywhere within, I repeat, within, the campus and you are guaranteed they will not get lost.  (This is way back in 1997-2001; I don’t know if the culture has already changed now that it’s already 2008.)

Worst thing about DLSU-Manila: Its population in the College of Liberal Arts.  If you go to Miguel building, you will be swarmed by elitists and coñotics whose major dialect is Taglish and whose sentences are densely populated by the words ‘it’s like parang.’  It will make you scream like hell and run towards a concrete wall, slam your head hard just to drown their ‘it’s like parangs’ echoing in your mind.  (Again, this is way back in 1997-2001.)

Nature of Work: Plastic bag and scratch paper collector, sideline of sitting in front a PC manipulating a software showcasing a window tapered with magnificent black gridlines set on a white backdrop. (I love my job, except the plastic bag and scratch paper collecting stuff.)

Best thing about my job: You manage your time.

Worst thing about my job: Monotonous.

Best thing about the company I work for:  It’s an asylum of deviants, maniacs, and psychos, with no doctors to sedate anyone.  You meet all the freaks in the world, and have fun with them knowing you belong.

Worst thing about the company I work for:  Some people.  Some maniacs assume I am also one, failing to differentiate me from them. I am merely a psycho-deviant.

Best thing about the Philippines: Climate is very suitable for plants like me.

Worst thing about the Philippines: Bloody elections.

Best thing about the Earth: So many wonderful places to go to, unlike other planets where you would only find rocks and red earth (Mars) or water (Neptune).

Worst thing about the Earth: It seems to be the only living planet in the Solar System.  It would be nice to have neighbors, you know.  J

Whatevers:

Sports I am into: Badminton, table tennis, swimming, kayaking, Kokak Relay Race, Drain the Pool

Sporting partners: Mister Penguin, Jedi Council

Sports I am not into, but I love anyway: Brawling.

Sports celebrities: My officemates Miss SPB and Miss Pancresa; Martina Hingis.

Favorite color: Yellow.

Favorite hang-out: Our house; Obi-Wan’s Cave; Tia Maria’s U.N. Avenue; Starbucks NLEX, Petron-Marilao

Favorite food: Japanese food (From maki rolls to tiramisu!  I love it!); Pasta with white sauce; my mom’s mixed vegetables: carrots, green peas, singkamas, ubod ng buko and quail eggs mixed together, dressed with a thick paste of cooked Nestle cream and other secret spices and ingredients; balut; isaw.

Food I am not going to taste even if given a bribe of $1M: Aso.  Yes, as in dog.

Favorite alcoholic beverages: Absolut (any variant); Cerveza Negra; San Mig Light; San Miguel Draft Beer; Chivas Regal; Gran Matador (Suicidal, suicidal…)

Favorite non-alcoholic beverages: Dutch Mill, natural flavor; distilled water; Yakult

Favorite drinking buddies: The Jedi Council; The Jacinto Saturday Club; office mates who get so animated when intoxicated; Mister Penguin

Best habit: Rationalizing

Worst habit: Smoking and swearing

Fiction characters:  Remedios the Beauty from G.G. Marquez’s One Hundred Years of Solitude; Phoebe Caulfield from J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye; The Chief from Yukio Mishima’s The Sailor who fell from Grace with the Sea; Luca Brasi from Mario Puzo’s The Godfather; Gragnola from Umberto Eco’s The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana; Jacopo Belbo and Casaubon from Umberto Eco’s Foucault’s Pendulum; Anton Chigurgh of No Country For Old Men; Yellow 4, The Dark Prince, and Kenny of Bioman

Actors/Actresses:  Aside from myself, Al Pacino, Jack Nicholson, John Travolta, Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Robert Downey, Jr., Gerard Butler, Ralph Fiennes, Cate Blanchett, Judi Dench

Music Album: Hall and Oates, The Ultimate Collection; The Essential Santana; Andy Williams Moon River Collection

Most-Prized Possessions: My collection of original DVDs, audio CDs, and 1^st Edition Books

Thing I wish I did not buy: Way back in high school, a cassette tape of Death Threat (Punyeta!)

Favorite Song: Wildflower (I don’t know who the hell did the original.)

Most hated music: Air Supply, April Boys, Death Threat (Mapapamura ka sa bwisit.)

Performing Artists: Seen live – Steve Lukather, Nyoy Volante, Bamboo, and Jed Madela; seen on DVD – Michael Buble, Luciano Pavarotti

Major Turn–on: Malagkit na tingin ng mga matang kumukuti-kutitap; look at me that way if you have really tantalizing eyes and I guarantee you, you will be my instant crushee

Major Turn–off: Puppy breath and icky teeth; even if you’re able to give me the ‘malagkit na tingin ng mga matang kumukuti-kutitap,’ it wouldn’t work if your breath brings to mind a weaning puppy and your teeth remind me of Orcs.  (Something I wish to say to a gorgeous guy who has puppy breath and Orc teeth: Have you been neglecting your diet and oral care for decades?!)

Movies where I saw myself: The Aviator; The Godfather I and II; No Country for Old Men; Clueless

Craziest Film I have ever seen: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (One hell of a flick… it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever; it’s not even plausible—but it keeps you glued to your seat!  I like it!!!)

Worst Film I have ever seen: Tasya Fantasya (‘Nyeta.  Kung wala dun sila Jerry Codiñera, malamang eh na-comatose na ako.)

Topic of conversation: Anything under the sun except technology, current events, and history; but if you’ll keep me informed with those waterloos of mine, we’ll manage to shoot the lights out with you talking and talking and talking and I’ll listen until my eardrums bleed like freak.

Strength and Weakness: In no respective order: I have a damn good memory and a big blabbermouth.

Easiest thing to do: To do nothing, leaving things in a torrent of change.

Hardest thing to do: To sincerely forgive someone who has betrayed me.

Worst thing someone has ever said behind my back: Said by this obnoxious guy way back in college, “I know Aj’s bra size by heart.”

Worst thing I have ever said to someone behind his/her back: “I pray one day he will be shattered and a woman will help him pick the shards of his broken self.”

Worst thing someone has ever said to me: “You’re scary.”  (Then again, in some cases, it is better to be feared than to be loved.)

Worst thing I have ever said to someone: “Ayoko sa iyo.  Nakakadiri ka.”

Worst thing I have ever done: Leave a decade-long friend without a word or a trace.  But I do not regret it, so how could it be the worst?

Thing I wish I have not done: Touch lives that, as things turned out, are better left untouched.

Best thing I have said to someone behind his/her back: “He/She is a wonderful person.”

Best thing someone has ever said to me: “I want to grow old with you.”

Best thing I have ever said to someone: “I will love you for the rest of my life.”

Noblest thing I have ever done: I did the right thing even if it almost drove me bonkers.

Thing I wish I could have done: Be a good sister to my younger sib when she was still alive.

More Whatevers:

Define love: It’s what the Italians call the thunderbolt—you get hit by it only once in a lifetime.  All the clichés that are resurrected when someone talks about love (can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t breathe) are true.  Yes, it defies all reasons and logic.  It should be mad, passionate, extraordinary; anything less than that is just a form of temporary insanity.

Crushees: Space provided not enough.  I have billions of them.

First kissee:  Alin, ‘yung may malisya o ‘yung walang malisya?  Hahaha!!!

Last kissee:  Mister Penguin

First love: When you take into consideration my own definition of love as explicitly written above, it’s Mister Penguin.

Do you believe in long engagement: Yes.  It gives you time to prepare yourself, breathe deep before you literally and figuratively take the plunge in a pool called marriage.

Most embarrassing experience, the latest: Laughing my butt off in a public transportation vehicle because of thee letters: MOP.

Greatest achievement: Passing the CPA board exam in November 2001, considering I graduated in September of the same year.

Greatest failure: Not having the balls to take uncalculated risks.  (Note the qualifier, uncalculated, as opposed with calculated.  I have to be always in control and certain of outcomes before I place my bets.  Conclusion: I will never be a good gambler.)

Greatest dream: To be an underworld goddess.

Second greatest dream:  To win the PCSO Lottery multi-million peso jackpot.

Third greatest dream:  To be a sniper.

Thing I would never want to be: To be a spare tire, in every sense of the word.

Second thing I would never want to be: To be a garbage collector.

Third thing I would never want to be: To be a sanitation aide, even if I’ll work in a posh hotel earning Euros.

Best words of wisdom I have ever heard: From Spandau Ballet’s Lifeline: Live and let live and love; live and let die and love.

Worst words of wisdom I have ever heard: A man and a woman can never be good friends without any romance between them.

Worst advice I have given to someone: “Be like me.”

Best advice I could give to people: Set rules and values for yourself.  Create your own laws.  Never live your life after someone else’s.  Be the master of your fate—and embrace it.  (I sound like Nietzsche.  What the hell.  Great minds think alike!)

Photoblog: A Smorgasborg of Idols and Lovers

Idol:  This guy deserves every decent project he can get every time he gets out of rehab.

Idol:  I want to be Anton Chigurgh.

Neither an Idol nor a Lover:  I like The Aviator.  I am an OC creature.

Lover:  Pare, tingnan mo naman ang body!  I am a proud owner of an original video of Someone Like You.

Idol and Lover:  Good actor, great singer, great body, great face.  Complete!

Idol and Lover:  One word:  Mabangis!!!

Lover lang: Katawan at mukha lang ni David Wenham ang gusto ko.  Bwahaha!!!

This is the guy I will marry.

Gawd Almighty!!!

Level One Girl

I consider myself the Level One Girl. You are probably asking what exactly do I
mean by that. Here I go.

My reputation to the male population in the office borders between
being an autistic-lunatic who has a ghostly aura to a misandrist who doesn’t
give a flying fuck about trampling on male ego. I have many, as in hordes, of gorgeous male officemates who are
worthy of getting the dreamy look from females, and perhaps a pick-up line or
two, but not from me. There are also
males who mouth platitudes to girls, and some of them serve me that, but after
dropping a line or two, I deliver them an instant cut—no matter how gorgeous or
hot they are. Those whom I cannot cut,
I avoid by making myself invisible. Yes, I have supernatural powers.

I will not play the role of a hypocrite by trying to project
something I am not. I admit I do have
crushes even if I am one hell of a committed person.  Most of them are in Hollywood, one in GM Proponents of Artists,
Inc. (I think this guy from GM is not only my crush, but my love, my dear, my
amore… har-har!), very few in
billboards and hordes of nameless, faceless gorgeous males I would never see
again for I have merely met them by the cab bay, in the mall, or across the
street. I would go further in exposing
myself as to admitting that I do have crushes in the office—men I see whenever
their shift jives with mine, enough to give me a high by just realizing how
genetics can really be a proof of God’s existence (I see those gorgeous male
officemates as products of perfectly-matched genes—the hybrid offspring of Mr.
and Mrs. Whoever and God permitted the pairing to happen so women will have something
nice to look at, aside from fabulous shoes and bags). I have crushes but all of them are good for Level One consumption
only.

And what exactly is Level One? It is being content by just seeing the gorgeous guy, not giving
room in getting to know him better, building a thick transparent wall that
alienates me from him, thus making cultivating deeper emotions impossible. I never go beyond Level One. It is my choice to do so. I believe all committed people are left
without any choices but to stay in Level One and stick with that, if they are
determined to make their relationships last.

Problem with going beyond Level One, and this is faced by
both available and taken creatures, is tending to want more. Say, you see this gorgeous guy. At Level One, you are content with just
seeing him and knowing that he is around. He greets you and that gives you a natural high that you jump up and
down like a happy pink bunny. You are
content with that. You consider the
greetings as simply a bonus. Then,
something happens. This guy who makes
you jump up and down, for a reason you cannot comprehend, asks for your mobile
number. Should you give it to him? Let’s say you give him your number. Then, the agony of waiting for his messages
or call shall begin to torment you. When you respond to his messages or when you initiate a conversation via
SMS and he does not keep his messages coming, you start getting paranoid. You will eventually transform yourself into
this manic-depressive human being that is close to someone smitten and hoping
to get to Level Three. After Level
Three, whatever Level Three has in store for you, and surpassing other levels,
you begin to entertain the thought of intimacy or a possible relationship
(whichever comes first; intimacy comes first if you are a sexual person). Once you go beyond Level One, you have the
impulse to stay in the upper level, not wanting to go back to the lower level. If you cannot stay in the upper level, you
either sing “Waiting Game” or you step off the ladder feeling defeated and
exhausted. This leveling up is the
reason why many women are heart-broken. (Actually, it applies to men as well. But most men are pigs, let’s admit it. Women, being often irrational and have no sense of accountability, tend
to brood over things like flirtation and romance. Women always have questions in mind that will have no answers
while men tend to go on with their lives as if nothing happened, humming the
motto ‘Move on. The ratio of males to
females favors men, so why should I stick with one who does not want me?’ Wait, I’m losing my point.) This is an irrefutable fact: leveling up leads
to two possible outcomes. Either you
end up making the gorgeous guy the constant source of happiness in your life or
he ends up as just one of the numerous men who are not meant to stay.

Simply put, leveling up is a risk. Some end up in matrimony.  But if the guy you leveled-up with does not have the same
wavelength as you do, that’s just another Armageddon for you. (Getting out of relationships is like
experiencing the end of the world. But
we always go into one when given the chance because we always hope to find
someone who will put an end to the cycle of going through Judgment Days, being
hopeless romantics that we are.) What
happens to the usual Level One satisfaction you derive? It is gone forever. You will never see that gorgeous guy the same
way again as you did when you were still a happy jumping pink bunny.

I am not saying that leveling up is self-flagellation. I am saying that choosing to level-up is a
brave decision. One subjects the self
to a roller-coaster ride of emotions which poses a lot of confusion even when
one is unattached. If it is harmful to
those who are not committed, imagine what it can do to those who already are.

For me, leveling up is a no-no, not because I am a coward
and I do not want to subject my vulnerable self to the agonies of
infidelity. I will not deny that
sometimes I, too, no matter how steadfastly I hold on to my Penguin Promise, am
tempted to go beyond level one. But one
thing I learned from flirting while you are in a relationship is that you have choices
whether to turn a blind eye on that temptation or to confront it head on. I wouldn’t say I never considered
confronting temptations head on. I did
consider that at one point in my life; too much that I even wished I am not
committed so I can do whatever I want. I am not a saint, for Christ’s sake. But then, when things were beginning to get murky in my mind, I began to
think about hurting the one I love. I
wondered then, was that choice a matter of being rational or was it really true
love? Falling in love is not a
choice. When it hits you, it hits you
and you can’t stop it from happening. But when you are already with someone you are comfortable with, someone
whom you would not be ashamed of passing gas with, someone you can show your
hairy armpits to because you were too lazy to shave, someone who can sit with
you all day even if you are stinking like hell and still say that you smell
nice, you look gorgeous, and you will always be beautiful in his eyes even if
you pass gas, don’t shave, and don’t take a bath, you feel something—that fleeting
magical feeling that makes you whisper a prayer and thank God how wonderful
living really is—you will choose to drop the temptation and convert yourself to
a plant whenever your significant other is not around.

What I have is perfect, in every sense of the word. Being human is a handy excuse when one
succumbs to temptations. But believe
me, nothing tastes better than a temptation which you decided to not to yield
to—that exact moment when you decided to be more than just an animal, to
overcome your being just a human and become godly. (Human beings are overrated. We are animals, for God’s sake. Careful. If you do not use my philosophy
sparingly, you will be lured to the Dark Side of The Force and become a Sith
Lord.) I refuse temptations for the
right reason: out of love, respect, and honor to my partner—realizing that
hurting him would hurt me twice as much and he cheating on me would definitely
drive me insane. There are many other
reasons. Define certainty. Define contentment. Define better world. You have to go through what I have been to
be able to define those three concepts. Once you are able to define them, you will agree with me in believing
that perfect relationships are possible. Not because of chance or a great amount of love. Surely, there are emotions involved in
creating a perfect relationship, but if you give it a thorough thinking,
reasoning and having the backbone to stand by one’s choices are the ingredients
that make perfection in relationships possible. You can create perfect relationships in this generation, no
matter how technologically advanced and cynical this world has become, if only you
have enough courage to want to make it happen. If you have that, there are two of us. We are not too far from making this planet a Pleasantville.

Most people in our generation are anti-nice, anti-cheerful,
anti-goody-goody creatures claiming that being always in the right path is boring
and corny. But tell me, what is corny
with being nice, cheerful, and goody-goody, always on the right path? Are we not yet sick and tired of too much
chaos in this planet that we are seemingly craving for more? (Preachy Gumamela, you would say. But to hell. Those of you who do not want peace and serenity are those who
have never experienced a tremendous amount of love or pain.) Or are we just too bombarded by self-demeaning
ideologies that we camouflage our cowardice with cynicism? Having no history can be boring, but boredom
is a phase we all go through no matter what we do or where we are. Think about it.

Life without ‘spices,’ spices as people in the office call
infidelity, is dull. But do you really
need ‘spices’ to enjoy life? Do you
really need that to be able to say you are living life at its fullest? It is true, we only live once and we should
sometimes take the road less taken to be able to know who we really are. But in exceptional cases, it is better to
take the safe road and lose the experience you may gain on the other bend than risk
something you know you will only find once in a lifetime. Frankly put, those who cannot stay in Level
One are those who are just looking for excitement, stuck in their stagnant
relationships that they overlook the fact that the magic word is contentment. Words of wisdom from Mister Penguin, when we
were beginning to treat each other like furniture and I was beginning to
complain about it: “Sometimes you think
the magic is gone, but it is still there. You just have to stick your hand in the hat and look for the bunny.”

Yet still, I have always wanted the idea of keeping numerous
males, aside from Mister Penguin, who are nice to look at, whose presence alone
is enough to send me catapulting to cloud nine, someone distant, and someone I cannot
have, someone meant to be an icon, to be revered and not to be touched. In real life, it is impossible to have this ‘icon
cum All Spark’ that’s why I undoubtedly prefer my crushes in Hollywood over my ‘tangible’
crushes. Hollywood hunks are forever
there and they will always give women a good day when one had a bantering from
her boss and her partner is not around that there is no one to vent the high
blood pressure to. (Mister Penguin is mostly
out of town on weekdays due to unpredictable work schedule. I like it when he goes away. It allows me to have dates with Hugh
Jackman, Al Pacino, Bruce Willis, Liam Neeson, Edward Norton, Gerard Butler,
etc al. I just have to turn on the
television and DVD player and voila… romance. Yes, romance, even if I’m seeing The Jackal because I feel that Bruce
Willis and I have this certain connection.) The wonders of Hollywood guys: Natural high minus the emotional, psychological, and spiritual torture—minus
the risks. 100% satisfaction
guaranteed.

An anecdote:

On a smoking session with my cubicle-mate Mike, he asked me,
“What if someone who looks like Hugh Jackman approaches you and courts you?”

I replied, “Just a look-alike? He’ll get a direct cut. He
has to be Hugh Jackman.”

“That will never happen, but okay. Let’s say it’s Hugh Jackman,” he said, modifying the situation.

“Hmmm… Hugh Jackman
for a one-night stand, definitely! But
for a lifetime companion, no one beats the Penguin.”

“What would the Penguin say with a one night stand with
Wolverine?”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. I wouldn’t mind as well if he sleeps with Liv Tyler one time. But if it’s going to happen twice, I swear
to God I’ll kill her.”

Then we both stubbed out our cigarettes and resumed to work
mode.

It is always nice to close musings with words of
conviction. This might not be the most
brilliant thing you will read in your entire life, but I suggest you give it a
thought.

It takes courage to face the hurt and pains relationships
have to offer, courage to create a lasting relationship, ward off temptations,
and stick with the relationship, keep the music playing, as the song suggests. But it only takes one thing to destroy one
sure means to making this world a better place to live in: to be simply human.

Parthenogenesis Reread

  I made this jpg file of Neruda’s Parthenogenesis to rectify the layout error in my previous blog entry featuring a Promil Kid.

Parthenogenesis, aka asexual reproduction, occurs in several types of species including bees, wasps, aphids, some fish, rarely with birds and sharks, but most common in plants.

Who dreams of becoming a plant?

Anna Gumamela.

Ciao.  I hate it when I am beginning to write and somebody calls me, compels me to go home.  I HATE IT.

Sangkatutaaaaak na Survey!!! (Pamatay-Oras)

THE UNCOMFORTABLE SURVEY.
(lets see if you can get through it. If not, you’re too scared about your past)

-Longest relationship?
Four years, two months and eight days.

-Shortest relationship:
Six months?

- Have you ever thought that you were going to marry the person you were dating?
Ngayon lang.  Palagay ko.

- Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?
Yewk.  Cheesy.  Yes.

-Have you ever made a gf/bf cry?
Yep.

-Have you ever been cheated by your gf/bf?
Yep.

- Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
Yep.

- Talk to any of your exes?
Never.

- If you could go back in time and change things to where you could still be with one of ur exes would you?
I don’t like any of my exes so they should be gone forever, annihilated.  Har-har!

- Think any of your ex’s feel the same way?
Maybe.  I was a monster.

-Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
Ngayon?  Palagay ko.

-Have you dated people who were not good to you?
Mga kriminal o mga potential rapists?  Palagay ko hindi naman.

-Have you dated someone older than you?
Yep.

- Younger ?
No.

-Do you regret anything that you have done with a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Yes, meron din sa mga exes.

Forty Secrets About Yourself. Be honest no matter what. (40 daw?! di
naman e!)

from whom was your last text from?
-parang mahilig ka sa from…  from Mister P.

[Two] Where was your primary picture taken at?
- Japan!

[Three] What’s your middle initial?
-J

[Four] Your current relationship status?
- In a relationship.  Superb.

[Five] Does your crush(s) like you back?
- I don’t know.

[Six] What is your current mood?
- Sleepy.

[Seven] What’s your mom’s name?
- Ma. Socorro.  <Whapack!>

[Eight] What color shirt are you wearing?
- Ecru.

[Nine] When was the last time you were drunk?
- March 16, 2008

[Ten] If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
-  Yep.

[Eleven] Have a crazy side?
- Many crazy sides.

[Twelve] Favorite song?
- Wildflower

[Thirteen] Something you do a lot?
- Talk

[Fifteen] Do you wanna see somebody?
- Yes.

[Sixteen] Name someone with the same
birthday as you?
- Steve Buschemi, Leonardo DaVinci

[Seventeen] When was the last time you cried?
- Can’t remember.

[Eighteen] Who would you do anything for?
- For my own survival.

[Nineteen] Who is your idol?
- Umberto Eco

[Twenty] What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex
- Eyes

[Twenty-two] What’s your biggest secret?
- You think I’d spill that one out?

[Twenty-three] Where is your ex?
- I don’t know.

[Twenty-four] Favorite movie?
- The Godfather, ‘yung part I and LOTR.

[Twenty-five] Do you still watch kiddy program?
- On DVDs?  Yes!

[Twenty-six] What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
- Nothing
[Twenty-seven] Do you speak any other dialect?
- Martian

[Twenty-eight] What’s your favorite smell?
- Mister Penguin’s fart.

[Twenty-nine] Describe your life in one word, what would it be?
- Fantabulous!

[Thirty-three] What should you be doing?
- Sleeping

[Thirty-eight] Do you act differently around the person you like?
- Pambata lang ‘yon.

[Thirty-nine] What is your natural hair color?
- Brown pag nasisinagan ng araw, pero mukhang itim pag fluorescent light.

[Forty] Who was the last person/s to make you smile?
- Mister Penguin.

1.       Who is in the room with you?
► Mister Penguin

2. who was the last person to text you?
► Mister Penguin

3. Whose house did you last go to?
► Aside from our house, Mister Penguin’s

4. Who was the last person you told that you love him/her and meant it?
► Mister Penguin

* THE WHATS;

5. What was the last thing you ate?
► Strawberry frost

6. What was the last thing you did?
► Surf the net

7 . What color pants are you wearing?
► Black

8. What is the closest item near you that is blue?
► Computer table

9. What are you wearing on your feet?
► Stiletto sandals

10. What instant messaging service do you use?
► Not applicable

11. What is your favorite website?
► Friendster, google, you tube

12. What is your favorite pair of shoes?
► My artwork slippers (shoes nga eh!)

13. What do you wear more: jeans or trackies?
► Nothing. Hahaha!

14. What is the last movie watched?
► Moviehouse: 10000BC; DVD: The Last King of Scotland

15. What do you currently hear right now?
► Bloody band

* THE WHENS;

16. When did you last go to the mall? with whom?
► Last Sunday with Mister Penguin

17. When did you last buy a new pair of pants? with whom?
► Last Christmas with Mister Penguin

18. When did you last take a shower?
► This morning.

* THE WHERES;

20. Where is your phone?
► In my bag.

21. Where is your mom?
► I don’t know.

22. where do you sleep?
► in my room.

23. Where do you shop the most?
► SM City Marilao!!!  <Whapack!>

24 . Where did you get the shirt you’re wearing?
► Company perks.  Hahaha!!!

25. Where in your house are you?
► Not at home.

26. Where was your default picture taken?
► Sa Japan!  Bioman ako eh!

* THE WHY’S;

27. Why did you fall in love with the one you love or have loved?
► Because he is perfect for me.

28. Why does, basically, half the world have friendster?
► Because people always have the tenacity to be in touch with each other and share trivia to the world.

30. Why did you pick your friendster user name?
► That’s my real name.

31. Why did you pick your background?
► I’m a golf fan.  Used to be.

32. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
► Because I feel good.  His kiss is on my list of the best things in life.

33. when was your last kiss?
► A few seconds ago.

34. with whom?
► Mister Penguin.

1. may niDelete ka ba sa frends mo?
- Meron, pero baka hindi niya alam.  Hahaha!!!

2. san ka galing kanina?
- Sa opisina.

3. anu ginawa mo?
- Nagtrabaho.

4. anu nagpatawa sayo?
- Utot ni Mister Penguin.

5. sun smart globe?
- Globe.  Gusto mo ng number?  You wish!

6. anung meron sa buhok mo?
- Alikabok, ipit, kemikal at ano pa.  Pero wala naming kuto.

7. san ka pupunta bukas?
- Sa opisina.

8. sino kasama mo kanina?
- Officemates.

9. umuulan ba jan?
- Mainit nga eh.

10. masaya ba summer mo ngaun?
- Sana.

11. excited ka na ba pumasok?
- Saan?

12. masaya ka ba kahapon?
- Ayos lang.

13. bakit?
- Masaya pala.  Hahaha!!!  Ang dami mo kasing tanong eh.

14. gusto mo roadtrip?
- Yup.

15. san yung hule?
- Sa buong Bulakan.

16. nood tayo sine gusto mo?
- Aiko.

17. eh sayaw?
- Aiko.

18. anung huling kinain mo?
- Daliri.

19. pakapalan na, cute ka ba?
- Mukhang.

20. nagkaron ka na ba ng bulutong?
- Yep.

21. eh ng pigsa?
- Oo, sa pwet!

22. taghiyawat?
- Yep!

23. pano ka kumaen ng burger?
- Nginunguya.

24. pano ka manood ng t.v?
- Nakaupo.

25. kumakanta ka ba habang naliligo?
- Yep!

26. anu nilalaro mo nung bata ka pa?
- Chinese garter

27. nakasunog ka na ba? ng kahit ano?
- Oo, ng bukid.

28. nagnakaw ka na ba?
- Oo ng sulyap at ng sagot sa test paper.

29. pano mo sasabihin sa isang tao na ayaw mo na?
- Aiko.

3o. may dala ka bang bag kanina?
- Meron

31. anung laman?
- Payong, cologne, kikay kit, panyo, yosi.

32. may aso ba kayo?
- Meron

33. pusa?
- Wala

34. sino bespren mo?
- Mister Penguin.

35. tumatawid ka ba kahit naka-go sign?
- Oo para astig.