thecosmicmuffinapostle

Random Thoughts

Been Listening to Michael Buble’s Home lately.  Hearing his voice melts my heart…especially when he hits the first note of ‘You Don’t Know Me’ crisply and ‘whapackly.’  Makes me look back on prom nights and loving someone who doesn’t have any idea he’s being loved.  No, the better term would be spying on someone (you felt that you were in love, but love is just a very deep term and you were just a teenager, so the apt term would be spying) who doesn’t even know that he is being spied on.  Heheheh.  How I wish I could be a teenager again and get those ‘butterflies in my stomach’ feeling.

Maybe it’s true, when people grow old, they become dense.  Insensitive.  They lose ‘awe.’  As of this writing, I am in love and in a relationship.  But seldom do I feel that ‘teenage crush(ee/er?) on a school day afternoon’ highs again.  Maybe because Jonathan and I are too absorbed in our careers.  Or maybe because we’re too comfortable hanging out together that we lost the thrill– you know, feeling his skin touch mine for the first time gave me a vertigo, but now, I am slowly losing the thrill and the young-at-heartness.

Or this could just be a phase.  I don’t know.  I haven’t got the time to think about it.  I’ve got work tomorrow.  And it’s sentenced me to oblivion and the unending cycle of boredom and getting older.  Yes.  I got it.

This is not just a phase.  This is getting older and becoming boring.  Oh oh.  Gotta watch The Patriot.  Or A Walk in the Clouds.

Synchronize watches, commence romantic mood in a few hours!

In the real world, there are only individuals.

Why blame other people for our mishaps?  Why are we not man enough to admit our mistakes?  Why do we tend to save ourselves at the expense of others?

This is because we are all selfish.  We just don’t know it.  Or we hate to admit it.  Or we don’t want to accept this fact because of the very same reason that we don’t want to blemish this so-called ’selfless’ image we are trying to project–the very same image we want other people to see because that’s what the majority appreciates : self-flagellation, sacrifice, MASOCHISM.

We are just a minute part of this vastness of space and time.  At this point, I just want to throw everything away and commence the self-destruction phase that leads to (hopefully) salvation.  It’s so boring to be always proper–morals, etiquette, politically correct.  I just want to be true once and for all–to be the bitch who doesn’t care about what other people feel or think.  But then, that would make living near me insufferable.  And why would I want that?  Because I want to revolt, to be not myself even for a little while, to see what I can and cannot do, to push myself to the limits, and see if in the real world, there are indeed only individuals.  Seems nice.  At least I can break the cycle I am currently running ’round and round with.  But can I handle the consequences?

Never go into something unless you have already figured how you would go out.