thecosmicmuffinapostle

The Desire to Become a Greater Being

Rustom Padilla, are you reading this? Quoting you… “Homosexuality is not just about your sexual preference, but also about your sexual orientation.”

Let me revise that, in my own understanding of homosexuality. HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOT TOTALLY ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCE, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT IS ABOUT YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION.

Am I gay, or what?

I am, taking the context of what I wrote in all upper-case letters above, in every sense of my definition and understanding about homosexuality, I bloody fucked-up freaking am.

What about Mister Penguin?

With whom do I want to spend the rest of my lifetime with? With Mister Penguin.

Is Mr. Penguin gay? Definitely not. 100% heterosexual, male.

Does that make my claim above invalid?

I do not know.

But I would like to settle this issue, once and for all.

In the next lifetime, I would like to be born biologically male. Men are the greater beings, in my opinion. They are stronger (say, boxers, basketball players), more intellectual (name any field—science, mathematics, astronomy…), more artistic (name any field—visual arts : Picasso, Van Gogh, da Vinci… literature : Garcia-Marquez, Eco, Neruda… performing : Mel Gibson, Jack Nicholson…) Take fashion designing, for Cosmic Muffin’s sake. The best and highly celebrated fashion designers are male, biologically.)… they are greater beings. Even in areas supposed to be mastered by female beings, cooking for instance, the best in the field are males. Let us all accept this fact : MALE DOMINATE THE CHARTS AND THE WORLD—BE IT IN THIS ERA OR IN HISTORY. It is quite alarming that we, biologically female creatures, are slowly outnumbering them. But quality must always precede quantity… so in my next lifetime, I will be male.

I desire to become a greater being in my next lifetime, and I could only actualize that desire if I would be born male. If this desire to be born male in my next lifetime, which originates from my desire to become a greater being, makes me gay, then, by all means, call me gay. I do not give a flying fuck to what you say about me.

There’s one wish, though.

If I would be born male in my next lifetime, let Mister Penguin be born a female so we could all live happily ever after.

End of text. What a way to release this.

Black Magic Woman

Originally by Peter Green

1970 Remake by The Phenomenal Santana

Got a black magic woman, got a black magic woman.  I’ve got a black magic woman, goddess of my night.  Can see that she’s a black magic woman, she’s trying to make a devil of me.

Don’t turn your back on me, baby.  Don’t turn your back on me, baby.  Yes, don’t turn your back on me, baby.  Stop messing ’round with your tricks.  Don’t turn your back on me, baby.  You just might pick up my magic sticks.

Got your spell on me, baby.  You’ve got your spell on me, baby.  Yes, you’ve got your spell on me, baby, turning my heart into stone.  I need you so bad, magic woman, I can’t live alone.

Comments/Suggestions/Violent Reactions :

This goes out for everyone (boys, girls, gays, lesbians, even animals, too, if they can read this crap) who has encountered The Black Magic Woman in their goddamned freaking bland existence.

Who is The Black Magic Woman?

She is the one who will come into your life accidentally—when things seem to be in proper place, when you thought you were really happy—and the accident will either break you or make you, but surely, it would haunt you for the rest of your goddamned freaking bland existence. You could meet her in a coffee shop, a bar, a bookstore, in the office, in the sandbox. The first meeting is magical, (It has to be! Hello! Black Magic Woman nga, eh!) as if it was destiny who pulled you together to be in the same place at the same time, as if all your life you were being led to meeting her—and that magic, that surreal feeling, will be the very thing that will drive you to wanting to meet her again.

So you will get her mobile number, or email address, or land line. You will drive home thinking about nothing but her alone. You will spend that first night after meeting her thinking whether to contact her, what to say to her to bag a second meeting with her. The next day you will send her an email, or a short message, asking Divine Providence’s assistance so you could get a reply.

What happens next depends upon The Black Magic Woman.

A. The Black Magic Woman does not like you – She will never respond to your emails or short messages and this makes you wonder why she gave her contact details to you, in the first place. Be haunted for the rest of your fucking existence because that is what The Black Magic Woman does—she gives details about herself out of politeness and courtesy.

B. The Black Magic Woman likes you, quite somehow, but not really – She will email you back, or will respond to your short messages. This will go on for a couple of days, or weeks, or months, depending upon The Black Magic Woman. But since The Black Magic Woman does not totally like you, expect that she will drop you like a hot potato at some point in your frequent communication, and from that point onwards, she will begin to haunt you forever—making you wondering why, and what happened really. But The Black Magic Woman will never show mercy. She does not know what mercy means because that is how she is.

C. The Black Magic Woman likes you really, but in a different way – She will respond to your messages, and will even allow you to say what you feel about her, without her running away from you. She will even go out with you for coffee, but she will remain untouchable and seated upon her pedestal. You, the mortal humanoid who is completely head over heels in love with her that you would be willing to give her the world, will never get a chance to hold her hand. If this is the case, The Black Magic Woman likes you to be her friend, intellectual buddy, coffee companion and nothing more, nothing less—and she will tell this to your face. Then it will be you who will dictate when to be haunted by The Black Magic Woman. The haunting begins when you continue to fall for her, despite the fact that she cannot see you more than she sees a friend. The haunting will pass, for quite sometime. But it becomes a vicious cycle since it would be all right for her to see you—pretending not to know how tormented you actually are because of your feelings for her. You may decide not to see her again, but as I’ve said before, The Black Magic Woman will haunt you forever, for reasons you and I will never be able to comprehend.

D. The Black Magic Woman truly likes you but the problem is with you – More like in case C, but a little bit more exciting yet tragic. Here, The Black Magic Woman descends upon her pedestal to allow you to touch her, perhaps even kiss her. You may even be more than lucky to have a relationship with her. But since you are the one who has the problem, expect her to leave you when she decides that she cannot take you anymore–leave you and not come back. The reasons for her leaving you totally depends upon you. The Black Magic Woman knows her worth and will ask for nothing less than to be treated right, to be given what she truly deserves—respect, perhaps, if love is too much to ask. If she feels that you cannot guarantee her this, brace yourself for the haunting begins. You are not allowed to say that you can exempt yourself from her haunting because deep inside you, you know that if only you gave it your best shot, she could have been yours forever.

E. The Black Magic Woman truly likes you and you truly like her, too – Like in case D, but this time, The Black Magic Woman will never leave you because you will love her more than you love yourself, and you will give her everything because you know and feel that she deserves nothing less, and with this, you will let her love herself a little bit more while she gives you back all the loving you have actually given her. Will you be haunted by The Black Magic Woman for the rest of your life? Yes, because despite the fact that she will spend the rest of her life with you, The Black Magic Woman enslaves you and you will fulfill your destiny—to be an addict for the love of The Black Magic Woman.

End of discourse about The Black Magic Woman.

Now, on the side… Don’t turn your back on me, baby… I will never turn my back on you, even if the world does that to you.  I love you, Mr. P.

Once in a Lifetime

When you lead me, I close my eyes—I want to feel you by my side. When you kiss me, I close my eyes—want you by my side.

When you touch me, I burn inside—cold and chill right down my spine. When you take me—this heart of mine—can’t get enough.

Given all I’ve got, damn you love me not, you’re my lover once in a lifetime. Taking care of you, every time it’s new—you know, you’re my once in a lifetime.

When I realise, there’s no telling lies, and I know it once in a lifetime—making love to you, every time is new, you know you’re my once in a lifetime.

Performing Artist : Gregorian (take note, not Gregorian Chant whatchamacallit…plain and simple Gregorian)

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You are not just my once in a lifetime…You are my once in EVERY lifetime. I am perhaps destined to lose then find you, or find then lose you, in each and every lifetime I have to go through. Perhaps I am even destined not to have you for all my lifetimes—because maybe, for a reason neither of us can comprehend, that’s how things between us should be.

I cannot have you in every lifetime of mine. But I know, in finding you in every lifetime, I will SURELY come to realise that every lifetime is good and is worth living and dying for.

I love you. I LOVE YOU, WITH ALL OF ME–BODY AND SOUL. This holds true in this lifetime, in the previous lifetimes, and in the lifetimes that are yet to come.

Ha-ha-hhhot Ten!

This blog entry is inspired by Doc Tess’ Threesomes. Check out her site : http://www.prudencemadness.blogspot.com.

Hot Ten Things I Cannot Live Without (according to degree of importance)

1. Potable water

2. Underwear

3. Lactacyd Feminine Wash

4. Carefree Breathable Pantyliners

5. Pond’s Facial Wash

6. Bish Kit (Marlboro Menthol Lights and fuego!)

7. Oral Care Kit

8. Mobile Phone

9. Make-up Kit

10. Money

Hot Ten Major Influences in My Life (in no particular order)

1. My Parents (tied for a spot on this list… I believe my Mom and Dad are one)

2. Mister Penguin

3. Serge Victoriano

4. Friedrich Nietzsche

5. Siddharta Gautama

6. Tess Termulo

7. Rocky Dujunco

8. Heidi Pascual

9. Rustom Padilla

10. Kris Aquino

Hot Ten Bathroom-Concert Songs (according to frequency of my performance)

1. Drive by Incubus

2. Wherever You Will Go by The Calling

3. Disease by Matchbox20

4. What You Won’t Do For Love by Go West

5. You Don’t Know Me by Michael Buble

6. True by Spandau Ballet

7. Breakfast at Tiffany’s by Deep Blue Something

8. Heart to Heart by Kenny Loggins

9. The Key to You by David Pack

10. You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling by Hall and Oates

Hot Ten Things That Make Me Freak Out (in no particular order)

1. Cockroaches (Usual reaction : Ohmigawd… I’m not seeing this.)

2. Hearing my favorite song play on the FM band

3. Seeing my crushees (more freaky if in flesh)

4. Finishing a great book (i.e. One Hundred Years of Solitude by G. G. Marquez)

5. Accidentally stepping on anything sticky, even if I have my shoes/slippers on

6. Accidentally touching anything sticky, save for a hair gel (eeew!)

7. Losing something (even if it’s just a goddamned old pen)

8. Knowing that an obnoxious being has a crush on me (ugh!)

9. Witnessing a budding romance

10. Seeing moomoos

Hot Ten Whatevers That Left Me Dumbfounded (in no particular order)

1. A very morbid scene where a dead girl’s body run-over by a truck is left lying on EDSA

2. A scene from the movie Jude The Obscure where three kids in one room were all dead

3. Being proposed to (not a marriage proposal yet, but a proposal for a commitment)

4. War scene on Lord of the Rings : Two Towers

5. Jed Madela singing Love Always Finds a Way

6. Nyoy Volante singing while playing the guitar

7. Finding out that my grandmom died

8. Finding out that Rico Yan died (quite unbelievable, but this is true)

9. Wowowee Philsports Arena Tragedy

10. July 16, 1990

Hot Ten Things That I Will Never Do, even with a bribe of $1M (in no particular order)

1. Eat ampalaya, ripened papaya, tuyo, tinapa, or ube ice cream

2. Steal money or things, even if it’s just for fun

3. Take prohibited drugs

4. Take another government examination

5. Deny any member of the family

6. Destroy a happy family

7. Casual sex

8. Claim that I am pretty and nice

9. Divulge a confidante’s DDS (as in Deep Dark Secret)

10. Leave Mister Penguin (except if he’s the one who’ll BEG me to leave him)

Hot Ten Most Sophisticated Women

1. Vivien Leigh

2. Audrey Hepburn

3. Jane Seymour

4. Demi Moore

5. Brooke Shields

6. Charlene Gonzalez

7. Lea Salonga

8. Kristine Hermosa

9. Vilma Santos - Recto (Hello!  Full-blooded Vilmanian ‘to, ‘noh!)

10. Cherie Gil (I will name my daughter Jo-Anne Cherie.)

Hot Ten Hottest Men

1. Hugh Jackman

2. David Wenham

3. Benicio del Toro (I’m so sorry, honey…for putting Christopher Reeve on number three… that was done intentionally.  I thought we’re over.  My apologies.  Yes, I still want you!  Nyahaha!)

4. Ralph Fiennes

5. Ben Affleck

6. Albert Martinez

7. Raymond Bagatsing

8. Bernard Palanca

9. Rogelio dela Rosa

10. Mister Penguin

Ooops. I better end this now.  Holy week, and I am lying.  Let’s end this.  Yes, let’s.  Less entries, less mistakes.

May The Force be with me.