Filed under: Philosophy of the Person
Stream of consciousness mode on.
I am a living paradox, a complex problem without any solution. I cannot blame people for not understanding me. I do not blame people who say that I am an autistic kid living obliviously in this mad world. I do not plan to explain myself to anyone. But I plan to tell everyone who I am.
I can stay at home all day watching DVDs and not get the characters and plots mixed up. I even feign malady just to finish a novel. Way back in college, I skipped morning classes just to finish Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s One Hundred Years of Solitude. I do what I want to do when I am on a day off or on leave.
I do not talk to people who do not want to talk to me. I do not befriend people who will not be able to give me the peace of mind. If a friend makes things hard for me and I cannot see any common ground where we would meet, I drop him/her automatically.
I hate it when people ask me about my things—where they are from, what brand, etc. I do not buy branded items to flaunt them. I buy them because they are durable. The last thing you would hear from me is asking the brand of your things because I hate being asked that stupid question. I am not my things. I hope you all realize that.
People say that I seem to have an impenetrable emotional shield. That’s true. I rationalize my emotions rather than be enslaved by them. I hate it when I get too emotional, but, based on experience, hating me when I am emotional makes matters more emotional. Next time I get emotional, I will not hate me. I shall shove the emotions off using a puff of smoke.
I do not make decisions when I am at a state of extreme emotion. I smoke while thinking things over. Sometimes I pray. Then I decide.
I am not a religious person, but I would like to believe I am at peace with my God and my God is at peace with me. I seldom pray. I believe my mishaps are man-made and it would be too much to ask for God to unmake them. The only things worth praying for, for me, are the following: sickness, natural disasters, and your enemies if you do not want to stain your hands with their blood.
I do not judge people. I take note of friends’ warnings, but see for myself if the warnings are unfounded. I give people the benefit of the doubt by trusting them despite their famous reputation of being butchers or murderers. If I find out that they are indeed dangerous creatures, I walk away in peace and keep my findings to myself.
I think that the Science Investigatory Project is taught in grade school to serve a greater purpose in life. If only Science teachers had lectured that the procedures in conducting an investigatory project is just the same as the procedures in solving a person’s problems, then I believe the suicide/crime/poverty rate would be nearly zero.
I love committing mistakes. I have this knack for disarranging my life when it seems to be so perfect. I need chaos to maintain the equilibrium of my existence.
I want to take up post graduate studies, but my heart and mind are torn between Philosophy and Economics. I know, one day, I will know what I really want. (This sounds like a multivitamin commercial. I want to be complete. Hardy-har-har!)
Who’s the performer with the best live sound singing voice? Gino Vannelli. Three-in-a-row Gino Vannelli is currently playing as I am writing this paragraph: I Just Wanna Stop, Hurts To Be In Love, and Living Inside Myself. All live versions. Whoa!
Am I an underachiever? In terms of career advancement, yes. But on all other aspects, let’s not talk about that.
I want a Daihatsu Charade for my first car. Take note, want and not need. My friend said her dad will sell his red DC to me, but up to now, there are no talks about the sale. I will paint the car yellow, and have it auto-detailed then I will blast UN Avenue with the car smog and snob every creature who told me I will not learn how to drive. I will offer lifts to decent-looking Senior Citizens and I will be driving happily.
If I win 3M in Deal or No Deal, I will spend the 2.4M (20% goes to the government as Final Tax for prizes exceeding PhP10,000.00) on the following: 1.5M for a fully-equipped Toyota Hi-Lux, 600k for renovating my parents’ house (with probably 20% of the allotted budget to refurnishing my room), the remaining 300k I will spend on my passions: books, CDs, DVDs, shoes, bags, and trinkets. If there’s still money left, I will get a nose job.
An email arrived. Here are the results of The Tibetan Test I took a few seconds ago:
My priorities in life: Love, Family, Career, Money, Pride.
My personality: Ugly but nice (see, a living paradox!)
My partner’s personality: Sophisticated
My enemies’ personality: Dirty
How I view sexual intercourse: Has a distinct aftertaste (whoa!)
Description of my life: Calm
Grrr… one more hour to kill. I can’t think of anything more to blabber. Let’s go to the Ladies’ Room. Yes, let’s.
I’m back from the john. I’m not feeling well. Maybe I should go to the clinic and have my temperature checked before I go home. Lord, I am praying. Please make me well. I don’t want to be sick.
Let us end this. Yes, let’s.
I know the difference between writing and blabbering. This piece is purely blabber, but if you got this far, your consolation is at least you caught a glimpse of who I really am.
Ciao.
