thecosmicmuffinapostle

Kwang kwang kwang kwang… Office Bloopers 2007

In the office where most people are dead serious about beating deadlines, preparing reports, climbing the hierarchy of the organizational chart and what have you about survival of the fittest office worker, scenarios which are overly hilarious also take place.  Note the following.

Office Blooper # 1

Company: Multi-Line Design Systems, Inc.

Characters: JT, Project Supervisor and Mark, Sales Manager and COO (Read: Child Of Owner)

Mark    :  Nakapunta ka na ba sa Romblon?

JT        :  Ay, oo, Sir.  Masarap ang magluto ang mga tao doon kaya lang ang mga babae doon, mangkukulam!

Mark    :  Talaga?  Taga-Romblon si Daqui, eh, ‘yung wife ko.

JT        :  Aaah…  Kaya pala masarap siyang magluto.

*Kwang kwang kwang kwang…*

Office Blooper # 2

Company: PAGCOR

Characters:  AG and Tacky, Accounting Clerks; and Miss Fe Esteban, Assistant Branch Manager

Scene:  In a restricted area where only Internal Security Staff and Surveillance Staff are allowed to pass, Tacky opened the door.

AG       :  Patay, si Miss Fe.  ‘Wag na tayo dito.

Tacky   :  Fe?!  Sinong Fe?!  Baka samain siya sa ‘kin!  (Turned her head towards the space in the restricted area and saw ABM Fe Esteban standing by for the elevator.)  Hi, Ma’am.  Good afternoon.

AG       :  Good afternoon, Ma’am.

Ms Fe  :  Good afternoon.

AG and Tacky entered the restricted area quietly.  The three took the elevator in the restricted area with AG and Tacky not uttering a single word and not moving a bit.  On the fifth floor, they all went out.

Tacky   :  Ma’am, punta lang po kami sa chapel.

Ms Fe  :  Okay.

In the chapel…

Tacky   :  Si Miss Fe ba si ABM Esteban?

AG       :  Hindeeee!!!

Both clerks nearly died of laughter.

*Kwang kwang kwang kwang…*

Office Blooper # 3

Company:  PAGCOR

Characters:  Jay and Mike, Accounting Clerks; Miss Cecille, the Senior Accountant and boss of the two

Situation:  Miss Cecille is known to have a hearing problem because of vertigo.  Jay is in cubicle one, Mike in cubicle two, and Miss Cecille was standing in cubicle three, but neither of the clerks knew about the boss’ location.

Mike    :  Jay, (saying something inaudible).

Jay       :  (Shouting.) Ano?  Di ko magets.  Lakasan mo kasi.

Mike    :  (Shouting.)  ‘Yung rep, kailangan na raw ni Ma’am Cecille.

Jay       :  (Shouting.)  Ah, okay.  Sorry, ah.  Cecille mode eh.

Mike    :  Hahahahaha!!!  Sira ka talaga, mamya nandyan si Ma’am.

Jay       :  Okay lang ‘yun, di naman niya maririnig kasi mahina ang tenga no’n.

Jay stood up discreetly to search for Miss Cecille, and he found her standing in cubicle three, looking at him.

*Kwang kwang kwang kwang…*

Office Blooper # 4

Company:  PAGCOR

Characters:  Sally Braña, Bookkeeper; Tessa Carandang, Accountant; Jay and Tacky, Accounting Clerks; Beeng, Bookkeeper; and the rest of the Accounting people except the Senior Accountant

Scene:  Sally and Tessa were arguing about a certain accounting procedure.  Sally is known to have a high-pitch voice and appears to be fighting over something whenever healthy discussions such as the one presented here are taking place.  Sally was shouting like hell in this scene and Tessa was looking at her, trying to comprehend her point and at the same time keeping her calm.

Jay       :  (Shouting, mimicking a boxing ring announcer.)  From the red corner, weighing 110 pounds, still undefeated, the defending champion… Braña!!!  From the blue corner, weighing 106 pounds, the challenger… Carandang!!!

Tacky   :  Ah, Braña na ako, walang kakupas-kupas!!!

Beeng   :  Ako rin, Braña na!!!

Accounting people  :  (Chanting.)  Braña!!!  Braña!!!  Braña!!!

Sally     :  (Shouting.)  Hoy, magsitigil kayo!!!  Ano akala niyo sa akin, panabong?!!!

*Kwang kwang kwang kwang…*

Office Blooper # 5

Company:  PAGCOR and Manila Pavilion Hotel

Characters:  Mike and Jajee, Accounting Clerks; and an anonymous Manila Pavilion Hotel concierge staff

Mike    :  ‘Yung mga foreigners, nagtataka sa conversation ng mga Pinoy sa elevator.

Jajee    :  Anong conversation?

Mike    :  Like, ‘yung tinanong ‘nung nasa labas, ‘Bababa ba?’ tapos sinagot nung nasa loob, ‘Bababa.’

Jajee    :  Hahaha!!!  Oo nga ‘noh?!

After a while, Jajee went out of the Accounting office, situated at the 5^th Floor to go to the CSM’s office, at the 2^nd Floor.  She decided to take the elevator going down.  The elevator door opened, she stepped in, saw a couple of Caucasians and Japanese or Korean or Chinese guys, then the door closed.  In a split-second, it reopened.  A hotel concierge staff was standing outside, hoping for a ride.

MPH Concierge Staff            :  Bababa ba?

Jajee    :  Bababa!!!

*Kwang kwang kwang kwang…*

Closing remarks:  All together now, people!  Kwang kwang kwang kwang!!!

Next Attraction : Especially to Chow and Emie, answers to the Personality Test.  Sorry for the delay.  Thank you for bearing with me.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! 

Anna Gumamela’s 20-Item Personality Test

Take the test below to gauge your personality. This is the kind of test that requires honesty and prudence. You better take your time in answering the questions and you better be as true to yourself as possible. An interpretation will be revealed in one of the succeeding blog posts. A prize will be given to successful examination takers. Good luck!

1. What is your motivation in taking this personality test?

1. Because you just want to

2. Boredom

3. Knowing more about oneself

4. The prize mentioned above

2. Which of the following performances by an actor merits an acting award?

1. Dindo Fernando’s in Langis at Tubig

2. Jim Carrey’s in Liar, Liar

3. Keanu Reeves’ in A Walk In The Clouds

4. Leonardo DiCaprio’s in Romeo + Juliet

3. Which of the following songs is best to serenade the woman / man of your dreams with?

1. Creep by Radioheads

2. If I Keep My Heart Out Of Sight by James Taylor

3. One In A Million by Larry Graham

4. Take This Love by Sergio Mendes featuring Joe Pizzulo

4. Which of the following is the number one characteristic of a husband- or wife-material guy / girl?

1. Drop-dead gorgeous

2. Manages finances well

3. Smart and witty

4. Sweet and romantic

5. Which of the following best conceals ugliness and best augments gorgeousness?

1. A considerable net worth

2. A good heart

3. An impeccable taste in fashion

4. Sense of humor

6. Which of the following is an indicator that a person manages his / her finances well?

1. Owning a condo unit

2. Owning a dazzling car

3. Owning an elegant wardrobe

4. Zero current liabilities

7. Which of the following shall give you a hint of a person’s degree of smartness and wit?

1. Fluency in foreign languages, at least in English

2. Sense of humor

3. The books s/he reads

4. The movies s/he watches

8. Which of the following implies sweetness and romanticism?

1. Giving a teddy bear for no apparent reason

2. Giving away poetry in lieu of love letters

3. Giving flowers and chocolates on Valentines Day

4. Hiring a string quartet for a marriage proposal

9. Which of the following least likely resolves a problem and most likely makes it worse?

1. Doing nothing

2. Drinking alcohol alone

3. Praying

4. Telling it to someone else and asking for advice

10. Which of the following is the best advice you could give to someone who is desperate?

1. Go to church

2. Hakuna matata

3. Hang the noose

4. Unwind

11. Which of the following must you note to warrant a claim that a person is healthy and clean?

1. Clean ears

2. Clean nails and beautiful hands

3. Clean teeth and fresh breath

4. Clear skin and healthy scalp

12. Which of the following reveals breeding?

1. Levity in language

2. Sports one is into

3. Table manners and eating habits

4. The kind of vice one has

13. Which of the following is not edible?

1. Ants

2. Fingernails

3. Ampalaya

4. Santan

14. Which of the following is not a toy?

1. Dragonflies

2. Mobile phones

3. Rodents

4. Swiss knives

15. Which of the following are you willing to die for?

1. A cameo role in a Martin Scorsese film

2. A date with your favorite movie star

3. A first edition copy of J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher In The Rye

4. A front-row ticket to a U2 concert

16. Which of the following would most likely cause you to commit suicide?

1. Bankruptcy

2. Contacting an incurable disease

3. Heartbreak

4. Your favorite book mounted on the silver screen with sloppy actors playing the characters

17. Which of the following makes life worth living?

1. A sunny disposition

2. Good friends

3. Great job

4. Wonderful family

18. Which of the following is the phoniest act?

1. Criminals flagellating themselves during Lent

2. Politicians doing charity works during Christmas season

3. Priests giving absolution during confession

4. Socialites establishing foundations

19. Which of the following would not entitle a ‘yummy prospect’ for a second look?

1. Great smile

2. Nice feet

3. Stunning get-up

4. Sparkling eyes

20. Which of the following would you do after taking this test?

1. Contemplate about yourself

2. Get on with your life

3. Review your answers

4. Wait for the key in the next blog post and expect a prize

***That’s all, folks!!!  Tididittittittittittit–tidididititititit–tewnewtewnewnewnewnewnew–tewnewnewnewnewnewnewnew–tididittititititit–tantantantantantaaaahn!!!  (Sing to the tune of the closing music of Looney Tunes.)***

Two More Years Before Thirty

Yahoo!!!  It is my birth anniversary today!!!  I’m twenty-eight!!!  I am so happy.  I like birthdays, mine being the one I like best.

Birth anniversaries remind you of how lucky you are to be in this world.  It reminds you that despite all the cataclysms and turmoil this goddamned planet has been encountering, what counts most is that in your world, there are people who care a lot.

To be continued.  Mister P is already pulling my sleeve, asking me for a date.  Harharhar!!!

Happy birthday to me!!!  I love me and to everyone who greeted me, thank you for being a part of my twenty-eight years of existence.  It is not easy to have a friend who has MPD (multiple-personality disorder), but you all accepted me for who I am and for that, I will always feel like I have the whole world in my hands.  Well, me and my multiple personalities would feel that way, of course.

It’s A Sony… Fact or Fiction?

I went to an auction and bought this bloody tape recorder for 350 bucks—bloody literally and figuratively speaking. Bloody hell. Guess what. There was a tape in it. Here is a transcript of what I heard, after I rewound the tape, of course.

Woman: (Sound of recorder clicking on.) Starbucks Coffee, Vito Cruz, Manila, October 30^th of 2006. We’re here to conduct an interview with Jay Benggador. Hey, Jay.

JB : Yo!

W : We would like to know everything there is to know about you.

JB : That’s not possible. Even if you devote yourself to becoming my virtual shadow, you cannot know everything about me. Maybe you should set parameters on how this interview will go through. Tell me what you would like to know and I’ll answer as honestly as possible.

W : Okay. Let’s start with the basics. Why the monicker, Jay Benggador?

JB : Jay, you know where this comes from. As for the Benggador part, it comes from the English word ‘vengeance,’ I just coined in a Filipino equivalent for it to sound more unique.

W : Tell us more about the Benggador thing.

JB : Thing with me is, I don’t get mad when someone steps on my ego. I plan things out and get even. It may sound too complicated, as if I’m living a very dangerous life, but actually, there are different forms of vengeance, ranging from the subtlest to the most crude. I’m here to teach people a lesson, and that lesson is, if you cannot respect me, you have to learn how to respect other people.

W : Whaaa. It seems to me that you are really living a dangerous life, like you’re being followed by anti-Jay Benggadors.

JB : Who knows? We may even have a surveillance undercover team filming this interview.

W : You sound as if you’re not bothered at all. I mean, who knows if the ones you got even with are planning for the same thing to get back on you.

JB : Why should I be bothered? It’s the game of life. The secret here is not to fear what will happen in the future. I do not fear anything, I guess, as I believe I am only accountable to my loved ones. Would you mind if I smoke?

W : No prob. We’ll light one as well.

JB : I’m shivering here. Besides, we’ll all die in the end, so what difference would it make if I die today or ten years from now, if I die naturally or if I get murdered? I believe I don’t owe anyone a single bit of explanation for who I am and why I do things. It may sound arrogant, egotistical, call it anything. But thing here is, I am not asking anyone to explain themselves to me as well, so why should I explain myself? If I hurt them, it means they deserve it. If I hurt my loved ones, my family, for instance, that’s a different story.

W : What if you’re hurting people without you knowing it? I don’t think they deserve that.

JB : I live a very quiet and closed life. In the office, as much as possible, I don’t try to get so close to anyone. As you see, you can only hurt someone you’re intimate with, or close to, at some degree. As for the boss and all the colleagues who expect me to be a very respective, output-oriented person, I try to deliver on time. When asked for an explanation, I explain myself. If not, I keep quiet. Remember Law on Obligations and Contracts, there is no delay when there is no demand. Same philosophy applies here, there is no offense when there is no complaint.

W : And if they don’t complain?

JB : Then, it’s their problem, not mine. Problem with most people is they keep the hurt inside and let it linger. My philosophy is, if someone hurt you, tell it right away, like ‘Hey, you got me offended, blahblahblah…’ because if you keep it in and tell it to other people but the offender, the offender will never give a fuss about it. If someone stepped on your toe, you have to say ‘ouch.’ If you think you deserve an apology, you have to ask for it.

W : But don’t you think you should know if you’ve been offensive or not?

JB : Here, we’re talking about relativity of things. What might be offensive for you might be nothing for me. Again, say ouch and I’ll say sorry. Otherwise, don’t expect me to be sensitive. After all, I am absorbed in my own world and thinking about ultra-sensitive people is just a waste of time.

W : Can you give us a sorry line you’ve given to someone you’ve offended?

JB : Let’s recall… I think I just said, ‘if I may have offended you, I apologize. It could happen again, as I am not fully aware of that circumstance. This is me, and if that happens again, don’t take it personally. I don’t plan to kill you, anyway, so nothing to worry about,’ or something to that effect.

W : Huh?!

JB : Haha! About the last sentence? I just made that up. Hahaha! This interview is so freaking serious. I am getting bored comatose.

W : Your sense of humor is quite alarming. Anyway, since you mentioned the office a while ago, what’s a typical office day?

JB : Not worth discussing. It’s a routine of working and trying to keep my distance to everyone else.

W : Why is that? Office life is boring perhaps?

JB : Boring? You have no idea. My office is a zoo of maniacs and satellites, people do not have anything worthwhile to do at work except to ogle girls and talk about the miseries of others. Who would want to converse with those creatures? If you’re in the kind of office environment that I have, I believe you would choose not to speak and live like an autistic kid as I do.

W : Give us one office figure that you hate the most and if you’re planning to serve vengeance to him or her, spill the details.

JB : Oh, jeez. Are you from CIA? I’m not planning to apply vengeance to anyone in the office, but there’s someone I really do not like to work with or talk to. How’s that for a safe answer?

W : We prefer honesty over safety.

JB : Haha! I gave an honest answer. Tea is bleeping good, you should try this. It’s great stuff!

W : Don’t you want to discuss your office life?

JB : The moment I step out of the office, all I want to do is to forget that I have been there. There’s not much to tell. I don’t have to maintain good relations with everyone I work with since the office is not my home, it is not my life. It is temporal. I go there, work, and wait for paydays. I don’t think socializing with officemates is necessary.

W : Are you lonely about that?

JB : Doesn’t matter to me at all.

W : I could see that. Back to the vengeance thing. Tell us something about the subtlest and most crude revenge you’ve ever done in your entire life.

JB : Subtlety is done with words, when you say something that gives a hint of darkness and you don’t try to conceal it, when you issue a statement that is not meant to frighten or threaten someone but meant to let that someone know that there is something in you waiting to be unleashed. Like for instance, someone has been badmouthing me behind my back and news came to me, very reliable news. Then I learned that badmouthed woman got pregnant, I said, I bet your child will resemble me a lot. I looked her in the eye, with the poker face of Al Pacino and I guarantee you, 100%, she knew what I meant with that and she never looked at me or talked about me again. The most crude? Well, this has to be off the record.

W : Agreed. (Sound of tape recorder clicking off.)

W : (Sound of recorder clicking on.) So tell us about how you discovered that you are a Benggador.

JB : You don’t know it instantly. You know you have the knack for getting even with people, but in the course of your existence, you know it is in your nature to be the evil one. Then you start thinking about your life and realize that you have always been like that since you were five.

W : Five years old? Tell us more.

JB : I was in nursery school. My girl classmate liked to rest her toes on the back of my armchair. I hated that. It soiled my uniform. I told her to refrain from resting her dirty shoes on the back of my chair, she stopped doing that for say two to three days, but came Monday, after the weekend, she was back to her old habit. It became a cycle of me telling her not to do that because I hated that. I think, the fourth time, I did not tell her anything. She was comfortably resting her filthy shoes on the back of my chair. I went out to sharpen my pencil, you know, the jumbo pencil kids use in nursery, boy, I tell you, I made that one really sharp. When it was sharp enough, I went back to my seat, turned my back to face her, and poked her knees with the sharpened pencil with gusto. She cried like hell. The teacher approached me and reprimanded me. I said, “I warned her not to mess with my uniform.” I never did apologize for that even if the teacher wanted me to, so the teacher ended up transferring the poor girl to another seat. Up to this moment, I feel no remorse.

W : I cannot imagine my kid being bullied like that.

JB : Then don’t. Don’t send your kid to school because there would always be bitches and bullies hanging out there. Don’t even let your child get out of the house. Perhaps you yourself should stay home to avoid unwanted circumstances. It’s dangerous out here. Evil people are evil. I don’t believe in the saying that there is good in everybody. Evil people may be good to their loved ones, but it doesn’t mean they like ‘em.

W : Perhaps. Jeez, it’s cold. Maybe I should light another one.

JB : Me too. Freezing here.

W : That look in your eye… What are you thinking about right now? I’m getting uneasy.

JB : I’m thinking—I could do that when I was five. Imagine what I could do to you now. You know what I mean. (Sound of recorder clicking off.)

Silent Waters Run Deep: The Jackfruit Incident

For starters, I give you a three-in-a-row. You may skip this part if you’re not interested in lyrics of shot-to-the-heart fall-apart songs.

How do you cool your lips after a summer’s kiss? How do you rid the sweat after the body bliss? How do you turn your eyes from the romantic glare? How do you block the sound of a voice you’d know anywhere? Oh, I really should have known by the time you drove me home, by the vagueness in your eyes, your casual goodbyes, by the chill in your embrace, the expression on your face that told me. Maybe you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive. How do you numb your skin after the warmest touch? How do you slow your blood after the body rush? How do you free your soul after you’ve found a friend? How do you teach your heart it’s a crime to fall in love again? Oh, you probably won’t remember me; it’s probably ancient history. I’m one of the chosen few who went ahead and fell for you. I’m out of vogue, I’m out of touch. I fell too fast, I feel too much. I thought that you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive. Oh, I really should have known by the time you drove me home, by the vagueness in your eyes, your casual goodbyes, by the chill in your embrace, the expression on your face that told me. Maybe you might have some advice to give on how to be insensitive. – Insensitive, Jann Arden

Taken in, taken in again, wrapped around the finger of some fair-weather friend; caught up in the promises, left out in the end. No pride, taken for a ride. You say I’m the only one when I look in your eyes, I want to believe you but you know how to lie. And if you say you understand, I don’t believe it. And when you reach out for my hand, I don’t believe it. And if you say that nothing’s changed, I don’t believe it, don’t believe it. Taken in, taken in again. Someone saw me coming, a fool without a friend. There’s one born every minute and you’re looking at him. And if you say you want me near, I don’t believe it. And when you’re holding back the tears, I don’t believe it. And when you swear that you are mine, I don’t believe it. And it’s your heart that’s on the line, I don’t believe it, don’t believe it. Taken in, taken in again, wrapped around the finger of some fair-weather friend; caught up in the promises, left out in the end. No pride, taken for a ride. You say I’m the only one when I look in your eyes, I want to believe you but you know how to lie. You say you want me near, I don’t believe it. And when you’re holding back the tears, I don’t believe it. Oh, there’s one born every minute, you’re looking at him. Taken in, taken in again, someone saw me coming, a fool without a friend. I want to believe you when you say you understand when you reach out for my hand. I wish I could believe you. Taken in, taken in again. – Taken In, Mike and the Mechanics

Oh, I am just a moonlight. Oh, I am just a moonlight. When you look at me through your crystal glass, you will see that I’m now your past. Thought you’d give your love to me, but in your life I wasn’t meant to be. Oh, I am just a moonlight. Oh, I am just a moonlight. Fallen tear, that day has gone when you’d say I’ll be your only one. I will live the way it’s meant for me with ups and downs and mystery. Oh, I am just a moonlight. Oh, I am just a moonlight. Just a moonlight, fading away like water. – Mirage, Carlos Santana

***

Today, I have decided to write about a break-up. When break-ups are imminent, people tend to be in a phase of temporary insanity. I will not deny. I have been in two tragic break-ups in the course of my almost twenty-eight years of existence, the latest being the most cruel break-up anyone could probably imagine. I will share this latest one with all of you.

This latest break-up I was pertaining to happened in 2003. I knew a break-up was brewing, I knew I was being cheated on. Thing was, I did not have sufficient evidence to support my claim. But I went out of my way to search for evidences and I found many. On the night I have decided to ask Jackfruit about it (Yes, my ex-boyfriend is a jackfruit. Buy a jackfruit, yes, as in the fruit, langka, buy stickers of two eyes, a flat nose and a pathetic smile and you got his face alright. I’m not kidding or exaggerating things. I swear it’s true, he is a jackfruit. I also referred to him as Jograd. Hahaha!!!), my actual intention being the one to break it up to him, the fruit did not know how to respond to my question. The question was answerable by a yes or a no which went, "So, what now, is it still us or no longer us, just a ‘you’ and an ‘I’?" He answered after what seemed like a lifetime of snow falls and waves silently crashing on boulders, "I don’t know." A few serene seconds after uttering his last word, I slapped him hard on the face and I did other things that would be sufficient to earn me a title of Yokozuna. To summarize things, I beat the pulp out of the fruit in his grandparents’ house to hear what I wanted to hear and when I heard it, I walked away and it was over.

A few days prior to this Jackfruit-beating incident, I could not eat or sleep or think soundly. I was lost in confusion because I did not know where I stood in his life. I would say that that was undoubtedly the time of my life when I was completely lost. Thinking about it now, lost is an understatement. I would play songs over and over and sang with them out loud, particularly that cheesy song I’m Never Gonna Let You Go by Sergio Mendes. I reread all the love letters of Jackfruit until my eyes bulged out of its sockets. I tried to paint, but what came out of the painting was a miserable piece of trash that I threw right away. I watched movies alone thinking that any guy with a silhouette that matches him was actually him. Define misery, darlings. For the twenty-three year-old girl that I was, it was synonymous to Ragnarok. My world was spinning in a different direction and I could not seem to pick up its pace and go with it. Then I went out drinking with friends, when I have decided to begin picking up the pieces. (I started going out, how long can anybody go without, before you start moving out of your mind. Even so, I confess, there are times when my heart rules over my head.) A friend by the name of JT, who was to become Mister P after a few months, advised me to run after Jackfruit until I become exhausted, until I have nothing left to feel but indifference and only indifference. I did as advised and the rest, as they say, is history.

I can still remember the message I sent to Jackfruit’s officemate when the fruit was asking for another chance. It went like this, "Tell [insert real name of Jackfruit here] everything I have to say to him is written in Mike and The Mechanics’ Taken In. Now, don’t ever let him get to thinking that I will marry him—someone who feels gorgeous yet looks like a jackfruit, someone who claims to be intelligent yet is trying hard to digest things people are saying just to get a hint of it, someone who is an insensitive, arrogant, makapal ang mukha, good-for-nothing chauvinist pig. No sir. Oo, binilog niya ako, pero initlog ko naman siya. (Yes he succeeded in enticing me, but I dumped him.)"

I hate the pigs in men. They bring out the worst in me. Honestly, my worst fear is myself when I am mad. See what happened to me. I acted like an uncivilized cavewoman in that bout. My redemption is that I never apologize for things I did/do, and up to this moment, I never did feel sorry or penitent that I did/do evil things to evil people. There are things that I did/do and I did/do them because they have to be done. Afterwards, I forget/will forget about them and move on with my life, feet gliding on air like Fred Astaire while singing Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head.

Back to the break-up thing. I don’t like break-ups too, especially when it is dressed in gowns of brutality and silliness, like the latest one I had. I would prefer a break-up similar to that of Howard Hughes and Kate Hepburn as shown in The Aviator, or to that of Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer in The Story of Us. So suave and so real yet so painful. Gives me the fantasy that next time I break it up with a guy, I’ll make sure it is done with style, but with Mister P, who can say if a break-up is coming? I don’t see any in a lifetime. Let us assume he feels the same. Hahaha!!!

I am not a misandrist, darlings. It just happens that the guys I write about make my blood pressure shoot to a 120/100 reading. (Besides, it is easier for me to write about hatred than to write about happiness. Bliss is a cloak that engulfs me in ineffability, leaving me with nothing to articulate except the words wonderful, fabulous, fantastic, superb, I am happy.) Yes, there are chauvinist pigs in this era, hordes of them, but there are still men who are worthy of being called knights in shining armor. I promise to write about those few good men in my next serious posting, for a change. Promise.

Ciao!

Side story: When I beat the hell out of Jackfruit, Mister Penguin was waiting outside the fruit’s grandparents’ house for me. I asked him to accompany me. We were still buddies in 2003. When the fruit learned that Mister P and I were already together in 2004, the fruit sent messages to Mister P and Mister P sent me a message that went like, "Huwag kang mag-alala. Walang sinumang prutas ang makapaghihiwalay sa ating dalawa." ("Don’t worry. No fruit could ever tear us apart.") Hahahahahahahahahaha!!! It’s been almost four years and the memory of that Mister P message still makes me laugh. I love you Mister P, my partner in crime, my best friend. Hugs and kisses! See how destiny plays its hands on things. Who knows, it could happen to you. The woman you accompanied to beat her ex is to be the woman who will sleep with you every night for the rest of your life. Hahaha!!!

*==(‘*’)==*