Filed under: Philosophy of the Person
I went to an auction and bought this bloody tape recorder for 350 bucks—bloody literally and figuratively speaking. Bloody hell. Guess what. There was a tape in it. Here is a transcript of what I heard, after I rewound the tape, of course.
Woman: (Sound of recorder clicking on.) Starbucks Coffee, Vito Cruz, Manila, October 30th of 2006. We’re here to conduct an interview with Jay Benggador. Hey, Jay.
JB : Yo!
W : We would like to know everything there is to know about you.
JB : That’s not possible. Even if you devote yourself to becoming my virtual shadow, you cannot know everything about me. Maybe you should set parameters on how this interview will go through. Tell me what you would like to know and I’ll answer as honestly as possible.
W : Okay. Let’s start with the basics. Why the monicker, Jay Benggador?
JB : Jay, you know where this comes from. As for the Benggador part, it comes from the English word ‘vengeance,’ I just coined in a Filipino equivalent for it to sound more unique.
W : Tell us more about the Benggador thing.
JB : Thing with me is, I don’t get mad when someone steps on my ego. I plan things out and get even. It may sound too complicated, as if I’m living a very dangerous life, but actually, there are different forms of vengeance, ranging from the subtlest to the most crude. I’m here to teach people a lesson, and that lesson is, if you cannot respect me, you have to learn how to respect other people.
W : Whaaa. It seems to me that you are really living a dangerous life, like you’re being followed by anti-Jay Benggadors.
JB : Who knows? We may even have a surveillance undercover team filming this interview.
W : You sound as if you’re not bothered at all. I mean, who knows if the ones you got even with are planning for the same thing to get back on you.
JB : Why should I be bothered? It’s the game of life. The secret here is not to fear what will happen in the future. I do not fear anything, I guess, as I believe I am only accountable to my loved ones. Would you mind if I smoke?
W : No prob. We’ll light one as well.
JB : I’m shivering here. Besides, we’ll all die in the end, so what difference would it make if I die today or ten years from now, if I die naturally or if I get murdered? I believe I don’t owe anyone a single bit of explanation for who I am and why I do things. It may sound arrogant, egotistical, call it anything. But thing here is, I am not asking anyone to explain themselves to me as well, so why should I explain myself? If I hurt them, it means they deserve it. If I hurt my loved ones, my family, for instance, that’s a different story.
W : What if you’re hurting people without you knowing it? I don’t think they deserve that.
JB : I live a very quiet and closed life. In the office, as much as possible, I don’t try to get so close to anyone. As you see, you can only hurt someone you’re intimate with, or close to, at some degree. As for the boss and all the colleagues who expect me to be a very respective, output-oriented person, I try to deliver on time. When asked for an explanation, I explain myself. If not, I keep quiet. Remember Law on Obligations and Contracts, there is no delay when there is no demand. Same philosophy applies here, there is no offense when there is no complaint.
W : And if they don’t complain?
JB : Then, it’s their problem, not mine. Problem with most people is they keep the hurt inside and let it linger. My philosophy is, if someone hurt you, tell it right away, like ‘Hey, you got me offended, blahblahblah…’ because if you keep it in and tell it to other people but the offender, the offender will never give a fuss about it. If someone stepped on your toe, you have to say ‘ouch.’ If you think you deserve an apology, you have to ask for it.
W : But don’t you think you should know if you’ve been offensive or not?
JB : Here, we’re talking about relativity of things. What might be offensive for you might be nothing for me. Again, say ouch and I’ll say sorry. Otherwise, don’t expect me to be sensitive. After all, I am absorbed in my own world and thinking about ultra-sensitive people is just a waste of time.
W : Can you give us a sorry line you’ve given to someone you’ve offended?
JB : Let’s recall… I think I just said, ‘if I may have offended you, I apologize. It could happen again, as I am not fully aware of that circumstance. This is me, and if that happens again, don’t take it personally. I don’t plan to kill you, anyway, so nothing to worry about,’ or something to that effect.
W : Huh?!
JB : Haha! About the last sentence? I just made that up. Hahaha! This interview is so freaking serious. I am getting bored comatose.
W : Your sense of humor is quite alarming. Anyway, since you mentioned the office a while ago, what’s a typical office day?
JB : Not worth discussing. It’s a routine of working and trying to keep my distance to everyone else.
W : Why is that? Office life is boring perhaps?
JB : Boring? You have no idea. My office is a zoo of maniacs and satellites, people do not have anything worthwhile to do at work except to ogle girls and talk about the miseries of others. Who would want to converse with those creatures? If you’re in the kind of office environment that I have, I believe you would choose not to speak and live like an autistic kid as I do.
W : Give us one office figure that you hate the most and if you’re planning to serve vengeance to him or her, spill the details.
JB : Oh, jeez. Are you from CIA? I’m not planning to apply vengeance to anyone in the office, but there’s someone I really do not like to work with or talk to. How’s that for a safe answer?
W : We prefer honesty over safety.
JB : Haha! I gave an honest answer. Tea is bleeping good, you should try this. It’s great stuff!
W : Don’t you want to discuss your office life?
JB : The moment I step out of the office, all I want to do is to forget that I have been there. There’s not much to tell. I don’t have to maintain good relations with everyone I work with since the office is not my home, it is not my life. It is temporal. I go there, work, and wait for paydays. I don’t think socializing with officemates is necessary.
W : Are you lonely about that?
JB : Doesn’t matter to me at all.
W : I could see that. Back to the vengeance thing. Tell us something about the subtlest and most crude revenge you’ve ever done in your entire life.
JB : Subtlety is done with words, when you say something that gives a hint of darkness and you don’t try to conceal it, when you issue a statement that is not meant to frighten or threaten someone but meant to let that someone know that there is something in you waiting to be unleashed. Like for instance, someone has been badmouthing me behind my back and news came to me, very reliable news. Then I learned that badmouthed woman got pregnant, I said, I bet your child will resemble me a lot. I looked her in the eye, with the poker face of Al Pacino and I guarantee you, 100%, she knew what I meant with that and she never looked at me or talked about me again. The most crude? Well, this has to be off the record.
W : Agreed. (Sound of tape recorder clicking off.)
W : (Sound of recorder clicking on.) So tell us about how you discovered that you are a Benggador.
JB : You don’t know it instantly. You know you have the knack for getting even with people, but in the course of your existence, you know it is in your nature to be the evil one. Then you start thinking about your life and realize that you have always been like that since you were five.
W : Five years old? Tell us more.
JB : I was in nursery school. My girl classmate liked to rest her toes on the back of my armchair. I hated that. It soiled my uniform. I told her to refrain from resting her dirty shoes on the back of my chair, she stopped doing that for say two to three days, but came Monday, after the weekend, she was back to her old habit. It became a cycle of me telling her not to do that because I hated that. I think, the fourth time, I did not tell her anything. She was comfortably resting her filthy shoes on the back of my chair. I went out to sharpen my pencil, you know, the jumbo pencil kids use in nursery, boy, I tell you, I made that one really sharp. When it was sharp enough, I went back to my seat, turned my back to face her, and poked her knees with the sharpened pencil with gusto. She cried like hell. The teacher approached me and reprimanded me. I said, “I warned her not to mess with my uniform.” I never did apologize for that even if the teacher wanted me to, so the teacher ended up transferring the poor girl to another seat. Up to this moment, I feel no remorse.
W : I cannot imagine my kid being bullied like that.
JB : Then don’t. Don’t send your kid to school because there would always be bitches and bullies hanging out there. Don’t even let your child get out of the house. Perhaps you yourself should stay home to avoid unwanted circumstances. It’s dangerous out here. Evil people are evil. I don’t believe in the saying that there is good in everybody. Evil people may be good to their loved ones, but it doesn’t mean they like ‘em.
W : Perhaps. Jeez, it’s cold. Maybe I should light another one.
JB : Me too. Freezing here.
W : That look in your eye… What are you thinking about right now? I’m getting uneasy.
JB : I’m thinking—I could do that when I was five. Imagine what I could do to you now. You know what I mean. (Sound of recorder clicking off.)
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