Filed under: Philosophy of the Person
I consider myself the Level One Girl. You are probably asking what exactly do I
mean by that. Here I go.
My reputation to the male population in the office borders between
being an autistic-lunatic who has a ghostly aura to a misandrist who doesn’t
give a flying fuck about trampling on male ego. I have many, as in hordes, of gorgeous male officemates who are
worthy of getting the dreamy look from females, and perhaps a pick-up line or
two, but not from me. There are also
males who mouth platitudes to girls, and some of them serve me that, but after
dropping a line or two, I deliver them an instant cut—no matter how gorgeous or
hot they are. Those whom I cannot cut,
I avoid by making myself invisible. Yes, I have supernatural powers.
I will not play the role of a hypocrite by trying to project
something I am not. I admit I do have
crushes even if I am one hell of a committed person. Most of them are in Hollywood, one in GM Proponents of Artists,
Inc. (I think this guy from GM is not only my crush, but my love, my dear, my
amore… har-har!), very few in
billboards and hordes of nameless, faceless gorgeous males I would never see
again for I have merely met them by the cab bay, in the mall, or across the
street. I would go further in exposing
myself as to admitting that I do have crushes in the office—men I see whenever
their shift jives with mine, enough to give me a high by just realizing how
genetics can really be a proof of God’s existence (I see those gorgeous male
officemates as products of perfectly-matched genes—the hybrid offspring of Mr.
and Mrs. Whoever and God permitted the pairing to happen so women will have something
nice to look at, aside from fabulous shoes and bags). I have crushes but all of them are good for Level One consumption
only.
And what exactly is Level One? It is being content by just seeing the gorgeous guy, not giving
room in getting to know him better, building a thick transparent wall that
alienates me from him, thus making cultivating deeper emotions impossible. I never go beyond Level One. It is my choice to do so. I believe all committed people are left
without any choices but to stay in Level One and stick with that, if they are
determined to make their relationships last.
Problem with going beyond Level One, and this is faced by
both available and taken creatures, is tending to want more. Say, you see this gorgeous guy. At Level One, you are content with just
seeing him and knowing that he is around. He greets you and that gives you a natural high that you jump up and
down like a happy pink bunny. You are
content with that. You consider the
greetings as simply a bonus. Then,
something happens. This guy who makes
you jump up and down, for a reason you cannot comprehend, asks for your mobile
number. Should you give it to him? Let’s say you give him your number. Then, the agony of waiting for his messages
or call shall begin to torment you. When you respond to his messages or when you initiate a conversation via
SMS and he does not keep his messages coming, you start getting paranoid. You will eventually transform yourself into
this manic-depressive human being that is close to someone smitten and hoping
to get to Level Three. After Level
Three, whatever Level Three has in store for you, and surpassing other levels,
you begin to entertain the thought of intimacy or a possible relationship
(whichever comes first; intimacy comes first if you are a sexual person). Once you go beyond Level One, you have the
impulse to stay in the upper level, not wanting to go back to the lower level. If you cannot stay in the upper level, you
either sing “Waiting Game” or you step off the ladder feeling defeated and
exhausted. This leveling up is the
reason why many women are heart-broken. (Actually, it applies to men as well. But most men are pigs, let’s admit it. Women, being often irrational and have no sense of accountability, tend
to brood over things like flirtation and romance. Women always have questions in mind that will have no answers
while men tend to go on with their lives as if nothing happened, humming the
motto ‘Move on. The ratio of males to
females favors men, so why should I stick with one who does not want me?’ Wait, I’m losing my point.) This is an irrefutable fact: leveling up leads
to two possible outcomes. Either you
end up making the gorgeous guy the constant source of happiness in your life or
he ends up as just one of the numerous men who are not meant to stay.
Simply put, leveling up is a risk. Some end up in matrimony. But if the guy you leveled-up with does not have the same
wavelength as you do, that’s just another Armageddon for you. (Getting out of relationships is like
experiencing the end of the world. But
we always go into one when given the chance because we always hope to find
someone who will put an end to the cycle of going through Judgment Days, being
hopeless romantics that we are.) What
happens to the usual Level One satisfaction you derive? It is gone forever. You will never see that gorgeous guy the same
way again as you did when you were still a happy jumping pink bunny.
I am not saying that leveling up is self-flagellation. I am saying that choosing to level-up is a
brave decision. One subjects the self
to a roller-coaster ride of emotions which poses a lot of confusion even when
one is unattached. If it is harmful to
those who are not committed, imagine what it can do to those who already are.
For me, leveling up is a no-no, not because I am a coward
and I do not want to subject my vulnerable self to the agonies of
infidelity. I will not deny that
sometimes I, too, no matter how steadfastly I hold on to my Penguin Promise, am
tempted to go beyond level one. But one
thing I learned from flirting while you are in a relationship is that you have choices
whether to turn a blind eye on that temptation or to confront it head on. I wouldn’t say I never considered
confronting temptations head on. I did
consider that at one point in my life; too much that I even wished I am not
committed so I can do whatever I want. I am not a saint, for Christ’s sake. But then, when things were beginning to get murky in my mind, I began to
think about hurting the one I love. I
wondered then, was that choice a matter of being rational or was it really true
love? Falling in love is not a
choice. When it hits you, it hits you
and you can’t stop it from happening. But when you are already with someone you are comfortable with, someone
whom you would not be ashamed of passing gas with, someone you can show your
hairy armpits to because you were too lazy to shave, someone who can sit with
you all day even if you are stinking like hell and still say that you smell
nice, you look gorgeous, and you will always be beautiful in his eyes even if
you pass gas, don’t shave, and don’t take a bath, you feel something—that fleeting
magical feeling that makes you whisper a prayer and thank God how wonderful
living really is—you will choose to drop the temptation and convert yourself to
a plant whenever your significant other is not around.
What I have is perfect, in every sense of the word. Being human is a handy excuse when one
succumbs to temptations. But believe
me, nothing tastes better than a temptation which you decided to not to yield
to—that exact moment when you decided to be more than just an animal, to
overcome your being just a human and become godly. (Human beings are overrated. We are animals, for God’s sake. Careful. If you do not use my philosophy
sparingly, you will be lured to the Dark Side of The Force and become a Sith
Lord.) I refuse temptations for the
right reason: out of love, respect, and honor to my partner—realizing that
hurting him would hurt me twice as much and he cheating on me would definitely
drive me insane. There are many other
reasons. Define certainty. Define contentment. Define better world. You have to go through what I have been to
be able to define those three concepts. Once you are able to define them, you will agree with me in believing
that perfect relationships are possible. Not because of chance or a great amount of love. Surely, there are emotions involved in
creating a perfect relationship, but if you give it a thorough thinking,
reasoning and having the backbone to stand by one’s choices are the ingredients
that make perfection in relationships possible. You can create perfect relationships in this generation, no
matter how technologically advanced and cynical this world has become, if only you
have enough courage to want to make it happen. If you have that, there are two of us. We are not too far from making this planet a Pleasantville.
Most people in our generation are anti-nice, anti-cheerful,
anti-goody-goody creatures claiming that being always in the right path is boring
and corny. But tell me, what is corny
with being nice, cheerful, and goody-goody, always on the right path? Are we not yet sick and tired of too much
chaos in this planet that we are seemingly craving for more? (Preachy Gumamela, you would say. But to hell. Those of you who do not want peace and serenity are those who
have never experienced a tremendous amount of love or pain.) Or are we just too bombarded by self-demeaning
ideologies that we camouflage our cowardice with cynicism? Having no history can be boring, but boredom
is a phase we all go through no matter what we do or where we are. Think about it.
Life without ‘spices,’ spices as people in the office call
infidelity, is dull. But do you really
need ‘spices’ to enjoy life? Do you
really need that to be able to say you are living life at its fullest? It is true, we only live once and we should
sometimes take the road less taken to be able to know who we really are. But in exceptional cases, it is better to
take the safe road and lose the experience you may gain on the other bend than risk
something you know you will only find once in a lifetime. Frankly put, those who cannot stay in Level
One are those who are just looking for excitement, stuck in their stagnant
relationships that they overlook the fact that the magic word is contentment. Words of wisdom from Mister Penguin, when we
were beginning to treat each other like furniture and I was beginning to
complain about it: “Sometimes you think
the magic is gone, but it is still there. You just have to stick your hand in the hat and look for the bunny.”
Yet still, I have always wanted the idea of keeping numerous
males, aside from Mister Penguin, who are nice to look at, whose presence alone
is enough to send me catapulting to cloud nine, someone distant, and someone I cannot
have, someone meant to be an icon, to be revered and not to be touched. In real life, it is impossible to have this ‘icon
cum All Spark’ that’s why I undoubtedly prefer my crushes in Hollywood over my ‘tangible’
crushes. Hollywood hunks are forever
there and they will always give women a good day when one had a bantering from
her boss and her partner is not around that there is no one to vent the high
blood pressure to. (Mister Penguin is mostly
out of town on weekdays due to unpredictable work schedule. I like it when he goes away. It allows me to have dates with Hugh
Jackman, Al Pacino, Bruce Willis, Liam Neeson, Edward Norton, Gerard Butler,
etc al. I just have to turn on the
television and DVD player and voila… romance. Yes, romance, even if I’m seeing The Jackal because I feel that Bruce
Willis and I have this certain connection.) The wonders of Hollywood guys: Natural high minus the emotional, psychological, and spiritual torture—minus
the risks. 100% satisfaction
guaranteed.
An anecdote:
On a smoking session with my cubicle-mate Mike, he asked me,
“What if someone who looks like Hugh Jackman approaches you and courts you?”
I replied, “Just a look-alike? He’ll get a direct cut. He
has to be Hugh Jackman.”
“That will never happen, but okay. Let’s say it’s Hugh Jackman,” he said, modifying the situation.
“Hmmm… Hugh Jackman
for a one-night stand, definitely! But
for a lifetime companion, no one beats the Penguin.”
“What would the Penguin say with a one night stand with
Wolverine?”
“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. I wouldn’t mind as well if he sleeps with Liv Tyler one time. But if it’s going to happen twice, I swear
to God I’ll kill her.”
Then we both stubbed out our cigarettes and resumed to work
mode.
It is always nice to close musings with words of
conviction. This might not be the most
brilliant thing you will read in your entire life, but I suggest you give it a
thought.
It takes courage to face the hurt and pains relationships
have to offer, courage to create a lasting relationship, ward off temptations,
and stick with the relationship, keep the music playing, as the song suggests. But it only takes one thing to destroy one
sure means to making this world a better place to live in: to be simply human.
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